PROBLEMS 101

My dearest  Yemmie recently drew our attention to 2 'posts' about Naija that have been making the rounds and she asked the question .....'Is Nigeria Really This Bad?'. Please go to her lovely blog to read.

I have to say that I didnt watch the video but I read through Tim's write up and I can honestly say that there is nothing he said that I found untrue.

Granted, if we only focus on the negatives, we might become blind to the positives within Nigeria BUT I am not one to shirk from the truth and the truth is that we have serious problems in Nigeria.

We like to deceive ourselves that Nigeria is fantastic but we need to realise that the system we have in place is just not right. We have problems ...

- There is a problem when people feel they have a right to LOOT the coffers of a nation...

- There is a problem when an intelligent person is born into poverty and there are NO institutional routes for him/her to advance educationally.....

- There is a problem when faced with a new law or regulation; the average Nigerian's first thought is 'HOW DO I AVOID THIS LAW/ REGULATION?'


- There is a problem when dirty old men feel it is their right to SLEEP with every female job applicant they come across?

- There is a problem when young girls feel it is normal to BED HOP with men older than their fathers.........

- There is a problem when our young men would rather cross a DESERT than stay in their own country.........

- There is a problem when RELIGION is used to manipulate people into becoming cash machines and murderers.....

- There is a problem when politicians are seen as 'EXCEPTIONAL' just because they tarred one stretch of road.....

- There is a problem when children value MONEY over and above all things....

- There is a problem when contracts are AWARDED, RE-AWARDED, RE-RE AWARDED & RE-RE-RE AWARDED ............without any accountability....

- There is a problem when provision of education has become so poor that we send our children to Ghana...Togo....Poland....India.......JUST ANYWHERE........

- There is a problem when the LOVE FOR MONEY has made kidnapping, armed robbery, ritual murders and extortion the norm............

- There is a problem when we need to fly out of the country for BASIC health care.........

- There is a problem when a DOCTOR can let anyone...but especially...a child or pregnant woman die because the relatives dont have the means to pay for their treatment..........

- There is a problem when our LEADERS are happy to say they are 'flying abroad' for medical treatment......

- There is a problem when the brothers/ sisters we supported through APARTHEID (South Africa) now wish they had fewer numbers of us in their country.....

There is a problem when a country can go from being the LEADING PRODUCER of a product (Palm Oil) to an importer of the same product........

- The BIGGEST PROBLEM is not acknowledging we actually have these problems. Self awareness is teh first step towards growth. I know it hurts to hear but like a parent with a deviant child....sometimes, one has to face the truth before things can change.

We need to stop pretending all is well. ALL IS NOT WELL.

Yes, there is nothing like home......BUT....It sure would be great if we acknowledged that 'Home' is not perfect and we are part of the imperfections.

A Mess All Round

I am always humbled when I meet people who make a difference to other people's lives.

Similarly, I am always given a jolt when I read/ hear something that shows how much this world is messed up.

I don't know how many of you have heard of Dr Kermit Gosnell - the Philadelphia based doctor who aborted/ murdered foetuses over 32 weeks old and caused the death of at least one woman.

I read the Grand Jury Report on this case here with a mixture of nausea and dismay. If you can, please read up what this man is accused of. It makes for gruesome reading

Questions are now being asked about why he got away with it for so long ..........?

While I cannot generalise, I can suggest that perhaps he got away with it for so long, for the same reasons why.........
- Spousal Abuse is ignored until it turns to Mariticide/ Uxoricide
- Racism/ Tribalism is ignored until it turns to Genocide
- Post Natal Depression is ignored until it turns into Filicide
- Sibling Rivalry is ignored until it becomes Fratricide/ Sororicide................

Because we (as a society) are too busy worrying/ arguing about...
- Who is the slimmest
- Who is the richest
- Who has the most 'authentic' hair/ skin
- Who is 'doing well' and who is 'not doing well'
- Who has/ hasn't got married/ had children/ got a job/ graduated etc etc
- Who is the smartest etc etc

This world is messed up enough, please don't contribute to making it worse.....

Book Reviews

I have been fortunate to read two books by two bloggers recently and here are my reviews (I dont like it when book/ film reviewers give the whole plot away so I will keep my reviews as 'cryptic' as possible):

1. The Officer's Bride by Lara Daniels

This is a romantic tale set in Northern Nigeria and the backdrop is the twilight days of Nigeria's General Sanni Abacha's military rule. The two main characters are Colonel Edward (Eddy) and Nafisah. 

I liked Lara's ability to weave Nigerian history into a romantic story. While the story is all about the romance between two people, one can learn something about a time in Nigeria's history that held so many secrets.
Again, when Lara writes about her characters making love, she displays maturity that keeps the 'love making' within the confines of 'romance' and well away from the 'soft porn' boundaries.

However, I felt that some of the conversations in English were a bit 'stilted' and did not sound like how Nigerians would naturally converse with each other. 

I do accept that translating colloquial  language into print can be difficult but whenever I read a story with a 'cultural setting'; one of the things that makes the 'cultural angle' authentic to me is the use of realistic language / conversations. That is why I loved the touches of Hausa Lara throws in here and there. Beautiful....

Overall, I really enjoyed this novella and I couldnt wait to find out how it would end. I am now eagerly waiting a longer story from this author. Great job!


2. Antonyms of a Mirage by Atilola Moronfolu

This book consists of  prose, drama and poetry - with different personalities commenting on societal issues. 

 I liked Atilola's use of different personalities as I feel most people have different personalities and view-points.This use of different personalities was very creative and allows Atilola examine Nigeria's unique challenges through the eyes of different people. Her ability to use this writing form displays great maturity and insight. 

My favourite piece has to be 'Prayers of Mediocrity' because it exposes the hypocrisy that lies beneath the burgeoning religious hysteria that grips our beloved Nigeria.

However, I felt the mixture of  prose, drama and poetry was distracting to me. I am an especially impatient reader and I prefer to read poetry seperately from prose....Poetry requires a different mindset for me. 

Overall, I enjoyed Atilola's take on societal ills and I do believe she will make a great playwright. I am looking forward to going to the theatre to watch a play written by Atilola one day. For me, that is a natural progression for her.  In the meantime, Great Job Atilola...I now await my complementary tickets!!

An Ode to Achebe

I was a voracious reader as a child .....

It was my way of escaping......

Escaping the drudgery of chores.......

Escaping the  pain of school politics......

Escaping the weight of parental expectations......

Escaping the helplessness of being a child.....

Escaping the frustrations that came with being a daughter.....

Escaping the hopelessness of wanting the unobtainable....

Just escaping!

I read good books... I read bad books.....

I read books every child should read...

I read books no child should read...

I just read.... until the day I picked up 'Things Fall Apart'

Here was an author, who used words......

Like a hungry lover devours his woman - voraciously.

Here was an author, who created characters........

That took up residence in one's brain - indefinitely.

Here was an author, who used words....

I could taste and smell -  completely.

Here was an author, who painted stories.......

That would rival any masterpiece - absolutely.

I have read good books, I have read bad books...

I have read books everyone should read

I have read books that frankly, should not have been written

But nothing has moved me as much as the words that came from him.

Today, I shed a tear

For the passing of an icon

I shed a tear because he is gone

I shed a tear because he died far from home

I shed a tear because his beloved country is still a 'potential great'

I shed a tear because we have lost a great man

I shed a tear because yet 'another great' has left us

Rest in peace, Chinua Achebe

You live forever......

Your Okonkwo lives...

Your Obi lives...

Your Ezeulu lives...

Your Beatrice lives...

Your Chike lives...

Your legacy lives..............

Thank you for coming into my life..

I know you live!

Picture Credit:  Chinua Achebe in 1960 Photograph: Eliot Elisofon/Time Life Pictures/Getty Images Source:Guardian 
Chinua Achebe: 'grandfather of African fiction'. Photograph: Craig Ruttle/AP. Source: Guardian

Hello and Amen

Hello to all

Apologies for the long absence

I have been busy...then travelling ......and internet access was a challenge

I hope you all had a good Christmas and New Year?

May 2013 bring us all lots of blessings, laughter and good health

May 2013 also see our dreams come true

Amen
xxxx

Chasing Success: L. L. S. F (5)

Thanks to all of you who keep on visiting here. You motivate me to write ..........even when all I want to do is eat, read blogs and sleep. LOL ................God bless you all

In concluding this series, I will go straight to my fifth L.L.S.F (Lessons Learnt So Far). This one is fairly simple: 'KNOW THYSELF - SELF REFLECTION IS A BLESSING'

This is not an easy task. Indeed, it has been said that 'The most difficult thing in life is to know yourself' (Thales, ca. 624 BC–ca. 546 BC). However, if one is able to do this, it makes so many things in life clearer and dare I say it............a bit easier. 

When I say 'know thyself, I refer to knowing who you are including....
..
- What your family background holds:
All families have secrets and all families have flaws. However, a person can only know his/ her make up if s/he understands more about his/her family. Some people talk about 'generational curse' and how it holds people back. However, I believe more in 'generational stupidity' - when family members repeat the same mistakes over and over again.

Personally, I come from a long line of stubborn, determined women. This can be a good thing or a bad thing...............depending on the circumstances. However, since I know I have this trait, I try to use it to my benefit and avoid situations where this 'stubbornness' can put people off. Knowing your 'family background' does not only relate to common traits and behaviours we share with family members, it can also relate to health related issues. For example if one comes from a family with a history of high blood pressure/ strokes......... it is unwise to drink heavily, eat fatty foods or ignore one's weight.

- What your Weaknesses are:
We all have bad habits and sometimes we can ignore them because they don't hinder us in any way. However, when such weaknesses hold us back, it is imperative we sit up and take notice.

For example, I know a very intelligent man who is great at generating ideas but lacks the determination to follow through these ideas. Similarly, I know a very intelligent young lady who puts people off with her 'I-know-it-all attitude'. While she has 'book intelligence'; she lacks the common sense to realise that others who might not have her academic qualifications might know more than she does................. Again, I know a lady who seems to lurch from one abusive relationship to another. When a pattern is being repeated, it is time to look inwards.

- What your Strengths are:
Yes, it might seem crazy to say one does not know his/her strengths but I challenge YOU to highlight your 5 key strengths.....What 5 things set you apart from others???? This is not easy for everyone. However, it is important to know your strengths because this knowledge is (a) comforting in times of self-doubt; and  (b) empowering in times you are challenged.


- What your Limits are:
This is a difficult one because it takes time and maturity for most pf us to realise/ accept our limits. However, I have found that knowing my limits has been key to keeping my sanity.......When to say NO......When to BACK OFF..........When to accept DEFEAT........When to accept SOMEONE will never change............When to accept you cant change OTHERS

I once knew a successful business man who was always being approached by people with one business idea or another. Ninety nine percent of the time, he ignored these people who approached him. When I asked him how he knew which business to invest in and which to avoid, his reply was 'I
 stick to what I know' Simple !!!  

So, 'Know Thyself'.....Where does one start?????
One of the best tools I have seen used for self reflection is the personal SWOT....which stands for strengths, weaknesses, opportunities and threats. When it comes to a personal SWOT, an individual has to answer these questions:
- What are my Strengths?
- What are my Weaknesses?
- What Opportunities exist out there for me to use my strengths ?
- What Threats exist out there that will highlight my weaknesses and cause me to fail/ not achieve my full potential?

I strongly recommend a personal SWOT to all jobseekers and those caught at crossroads (between mutiple choices - of jobs, careers, partners, locations etc) Seriously, it has helped me make some really difficult decisions - especially where I had to consider my strenghts and weaknesses against external factors/ people/ situations I have no control over. If you are interested in carrying out a personal SWOT analysis, do visit here

Before I leave you all, I would like to recap my five lessons learnt:
(1) Knowing one's Locus of Control is important in understanding who/what you allow to shape your destiny
(2) Event + Reaction = Outcome
(3) Recognise your millstones and act accordingly
(4) Be aware of your Personal Brand and how your potray yourself
(5) Know Thyself - Self Reflection is a Blessing.

All I have shared can be summarised in this saying: 'In order to change unwanted habits and actions, it is important to take the time to get to know yourself'  (Darren L. Johnson)

I hope I have made sense. Many thanks for coming back again and again.

May God bless you all
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Chasing Success: L. L. S. F (1)

Thanks for dropping by. 

As I mentioned in my last post, I will be sharing five lessons I have learnt so far - from people who have impacted me positively. (L.L.S.F = Lessons Learnt So Far)

The first lesson relates to a concept called 'Locus of Control' - which I will refer to as LOC in this post

What is Locus of Control?

In Psychology, Locus of Control is considered to be an important aspect of personality and refers to how an individual perceives things that happen in his/her life. It can be summarised as how a person answers this basic question:

Do you believe that your destiny is controlled by yourself or by external forces (such as fate, god, or powerful others)?

Individuals who answer 'yourself' are classed as having INTERNAL LOC ....Those who answer 'external forces' are classed as having EXTERNAL LOC: 

External Locus of Control Individual believes that his/her behaviour is guided by fate, luck, or other external circumstances

Internal Locus of Control Individual believes that his/her behaviour is guided by his/her personal decisions and efforts.

With regards to the short quiz in my last post - If you chose mostly a answers - you are likely to have an EXTERNAL LOC. If you chose mostly b answers, you are likely to be INTERNAL.

However,  like everything in life - people might change their answer from time to time.............but, in my experience, high achievers usually tend to possess an INTERNAL LOC most of the time - They feel that they are in charge of their destiny and their efforts can have a positive impact on their ability to achieve their goals, their dreams and their vision.

This feeling of 'being in control of one's destiny' might take a bashing from time to time and numerous influences can shape one's LOC:
- Gender: I do feel men generally tend to feel more in control of their own destiny
- Age: The older people I meet generally do feel success in life is down to the effort you put in
- Upbringing: Children who have grown in competitive household - where excellence was rewarded - might grow to appreciate the relationship between effort and reward
- Environment: Without generalising, a lot of Nigerians I know feel our Nigerian society is very much one of 'who you know' - so effort is not often rewarded
- Religion / Beliefs: From experience, a lot of deeply religious people I encounter forget that prayer without deeds is futile. If one keeps on attributing every event to luck or fate, the person is likely to feel powerless in his/her own life

I must also warn that we should not take a simplistic view - that being having an EXTERNAL LOC is bad .................OR...........having INTERNAL is good. This is because INTERNALS can be great worriers as they try to control everything..........Also, EXTERNALS can be very easy going as they attribute events and experiences to 'luck' or 'fate'

However, one lesson I have learnt from people I admire is that - if we want to achieve success in life - we must recognise instances where we hand over control over our lives to others........ That is why I think we should all be aware of our LOC as it can highlight attitudes we need to change/ modify.

Q: How has this knowledge helped me?............A: To make better choices :
- If I spot an opportunity, it is up to me to pursue it. I am responsible for my own progress
- If something bad happens around me, I have the option of learning from it or letting the event defeat me. I have a choice
- If something good happens to me, I have the option of putting it down to luck or identifying what I did to facilitate that event. If I was instrumental to this event/ experience....I can repeat it
- If something I have been doing is not working. ............Why am I carrying on? I have a choice to stop it
- If something I am doing is successful........... Why cant I extend that success to other parts of my life. I have the choice.
- If I am confused and unsure of a path to follow (personally or professionally), I do as much research as possible i.e. speak to more experienced people; Pray and make a decison. I have the faith and confidence to explore any option that might see me excel in life.

If you are interested in taking the full LOC test - so you can understand where you stand -  please go here: 

In the meantime, do let me know if I make sense.  Your comments are always welcome.

I'll be back on the 8th of November. God bless.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Chasing Success - L. L. S. F

I enjoy meeting interesting people who have managed to achieved success in life. 'Success in life' doesn't only have to be in terms of financial success....... Success can be with regards to being able to impact positively on others...............Being able to raise happy, healthy, productive children or................... even being able to correct a wrong within the community they live.

When I meet such people, I always try and learn  from them as one must always seek to improve and grow.

As we approach the end of the year, I would like to share with you 5 key things I have learnt from some successful people I have come across.  I believe it is a grave sin when one allows someone else make a mistake ....when one could have prevented it. So, I am hoping that someone somewhere will benefit from my rambling thoughts and words. 

The title of this series is 'Chasing Success' (because I am yet to meet a human being who doesn't want to be successful in at least one aspect of life). The acronym 'L. L. S. F' stands for 'Lessons Learnt So Far'  *cheeky smile*

I intend posting my 5 LLSFs on the following dates: 29th October; 8th November; 18th November; 26th November and 5th December. I hope that's okay...................In the meantime, please look at the statements below and - for each -  make a note of which option you agree with the most (a or b):

1.  (a)    Many of the unhappy things in people's lives are partly due to bad luck

     (b)    People's misfortunes result from the mistakes they make.

2.  (a)  Unfortunately, an individual's worth often passes unrecognized no matter how hard he tries.

     (b) In the long run, people get the respect they deserve in this world.

3.  (a) Without the right breaks, one cannot be an effective leader.

     (b) Capable people who fail to became leaders have not taken advantage of their opportunities.

4.   (a) Many times exam questions tend to be so unrelated to course work that studying is really useless

      (b) In the case of the well prepared student, there is rarely, if ever, such a thing as an unfair test.

5.  (a) Sometimes I feel that I don't have enough control over the direction my life is taking.

     (b) What happens to me is my own doing.

I'll be back on the 29th .....................Till then *kisses and hugs*

Thanks to all

I was just informed that I have been nominated for the Nigerian Blog Awards and I really wanted to say thank you to all who nominated me. I am honoured. A big thanks also to the organisers of the Nigerian Blog Awards. That is passion in practice. God bless you guys.

Like most bloggers, I started off spouting whatever came to my head and it was a pleasant surprise when I discovered a whole family of creatives online. Each person on my blog roll has a unique voice and I thank God that we live in a time where we all have an avenue to air our opinions. Each voice is important.

Before I go, I have to be honest and say I find it difficult to campaign because one of the other nominees - Gbemisoke - is a dear blogger-sister. So, all I will say is thanks again to whoever nominated us.

I'll be back soon
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Your Eye

The beauty of the internet is that information seems so accessible and close. Whatever you want to find out about.....type it in...and more than likely, you will get some information.

However, like everything that seems so easy, there can be a downside.

Over the past few months, I have seen bloggers post some very disturbing pictures and videos on their sites. I wont mention the issues they have touched on but the most recent pertains to the Uniport students - referred to as 'Aluu 4'. While I commend some for drawing our attention to certain hitherto 'hidden' issues...I do question the motive behind some bloggers' decision to post really gruesome, disturbing material.

Even more so, I question some readers/ viewers' motives when they view such material:
- Is the reader viewing it motivated by voyeuristic* tendencies ?
- Is the reader viewing it to spear-head a campaign that will aim to right whatever wrong has been committed ?
- Is the reader viewing it to be titillated* ?
- Is the reader viewing it to gain knowledge about something new ?

Whatever the reason is, I suggest we remember this:

 ³⁴ Your eye is the lamp of your body. When your eyes are healthy, your whole body also is full of light. But when they are unhealthy, your body also is full of darkness. ³⁵ See to it, then, that the light within you is not darkness. (Luke 11:34-35)

Research has shown that there is a strong link between porn and child abuse. This is no surprise as images can distort people's view of what is acceptable or unacceptable behaviour.

Whether we like it or not, the more we view violent, dehumanising and abhorrent material.....The more we begin to think this is the norm. The first time I watched a video of a Python swallow another animal on Youtube...I screamed.....Now....I yawn and go...'Next video please...!'

As users of social media, I believe we have a duty to think before we post and think even harder before we repost. We are not sheep.

*Voyeurism is the sexual interest in or practice of spying on people engaged in intimate behaviors, such as undressing, sexual activity, or other actions usually considered to be of a private nature.^[1]

*Titilated is to Stimulate or excite (someone), esp. in a sexual way.

An Ephiphany

(Ephiphany:  A comprehension or perception of reality by means of a sudden realization)

Have you ever woken up in the morning and just wondered where you would find the strength to do all you had to do that day?

Well, that was me on Wednesday............

After five hours sleep, I woke up to a new morning and my whole body ACHED. Believe me, I didn't need an Anatomy textbook to tell me where every bone and joint was ....because EVERY bone and joint ached from  tiredness. What made it even worse was the realisation that:

Hubby was out of town............
I had a day long programme to deliver to a new client;
I had one child to pick up from a rugby tournament after school;
The two other children were to be picked up from another location after school;
Three lots of homework had to be supervised after work;
And a work-related deadline of Friday was also looming.......

To top it all, we were throwing a birthday party for my last son on Saturday (29th). Somehow, somehow that cute brown chocolate of a boy had got us to agree to throw a party for 15 kids AT HOME.... !! and just two days to the day...I hadn't bought a single thing !!!! *sigh* 

After my morning prayers, I gave myself a pep talk and faced the day - handing everything over to God. My God did not fail me as that day went very well .......

I then decided to do most of the party shopping on Thursday so I would have Friday free to tie up work-related issues. Hubby was also due back Thursday so I knew he would take over anything that was left over. 

Anyone who knows me, knows I hate shopping so as I entered the first shop on Thursday, I was already muttering:
         'Na who send me this kind wahala, I for just beg this pickin make im do party next year !!!  (Why did I get myself into this? I should have just begged my son to have his party next year instead)

However, as soon as I got to the toy shop and started looking around for his 'perfect' present, my son's face came to mind and I imagined his delight and excitement at receiving gifts; having his friends round and generally being made to feel special for ONE whole day.

At that moment, something spoke to me and said 'If you were preparing for a funeral....wouldnt you still be doing all this running around? Is it not a blessing that you are running around for a joyful celebration?'

I then recalled the Bible passage Ecclessiastes 3 (1-9):
 There is a time for everything and a season for every activity under the heavens............

⁴     a time to weep and a time to laugh,
    a time to mourn and a time to dance.........................

Believe me, at that moment, my whole body was energised and I shopped and planned like a woman possessed. The mental picture of my happy son was enough for me to ignore any aches and pain. All I wanted was for him to have the happiest birthday because no matter what happens, this birthday will never come again.

When hubby arrived, I shared my 'epiphany' with him and he loved it so I wanted to share it with you all.

I'm happy to say we had a wonderful day and even the weather was beautiful. Thanks be to God.

I know life can be so trying sometimes that we forget that every tribulation is temporary. Every situation is transient. No condition is permanent.

That is why whenever we are blessed and lucky enough to celebrate and laugh, we should do so with all our heart and might. There is a time for everything. Celebrate like its your wedding; Dance like its your last ever party and laugh like you have won the lottery.

Why? Because you can.......................someone somewhere  cant.

God bless you all...........and happy birthday to all September babies out there
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

PS - I'm off to sleep now. My body still aches LOL

Ramblings, Questions and Thoughts

Hope all of you are well ?? I see a few nodding, a couple shaking their heads and a handful looking undecided. LOL

Anyway dearies, I had a post ready but I had to come back with a few randoms. Please bear with me:

(1) A Diet Too Far
Disclaimer: This is not aimed at those among us who are temporarily taking steps to lose weight but it is aimed at women who are healthy but go on and on about losing weight.

We all watch what we eat from time to time but I do get bored when conversations with some women centres around losing weight ALL THE TIME.

Come on sisters, a cure for cancer is still pending; Boko Haram is still running riot and there are soo many current affairs' issues we should be trashing out. I respect the fact that we all need to watch our weight but it does get boring if that is all we talk about.

Has anyone ever gone to a funeral, looked at a skinny corpse - lying in  a coffin - and exclaimed 'My, my, my...that girl is looking good. She is so slim. I need to look like her'  ????? I GUESS NOT. Life is for the living. Eat sensibly, move around more and monitor your health. That should suffice.

(2) Outsourcing Parenting
More and more parents are sending their children here to study in British secondary schools and universities. I have no problem with this but it really amazes me when people choose to bring their children over to stay with relatives who they then assume will be responsible for their child's upbringing.
Wrong, wrong, wrong !! It is so unfair. 

The average Nigerian-British family home has two parents juggling work, kids, homework, tight finances and tight living spaces (FYI - our homes are not as big as what you have back in Naija). In the midst of all this juggling - and trying to keep the romance alive - a teenager is dumped on the couple by parents who are more concerned about the status a 'child studying abroad' brings to them. 

I have seen instances where such 'outsourced teenagers' does not even help in the houisehold, becomes a disruptive force and creates tension among the couple. Worse still, I have seen a situation where one of these 'outsourced' kids stole her hosts' jewellery and sold it. The reason - she was broke and had to maintain her 'aristo' lifestyle. When the issue was reported to her parents - they did not show any surprise because - apparently - she was known to be a thief in Nigeria. How can parents outsource their deviant child to an unsuspecting relative? JUST WRONG !!! 

(3) Put Down The Cloak
Women are wonderful creatures and my African sisters are amazing. It is normal to see one woman doing all these:
- Running a home
- Working Full Time
- Helping The Kids with Their Homework
- Arranging all the kid's parties and socialising
- Volunteering in Church
- Caring for her siblings
- Caring for elderly parents etc etc

All commendable, all wonderful BUT ..........we are not superhumans. Even the strongest tree can bend if the right amount of pressure is applied. I talk to a lot of women and quite a lot are one step away from breaking point. This is not healthy.

Since we are all destined to grow old and die, is it not a shame if our youth is festooned with worry, commitments and drudgery. My advice is that  no matter how many commitments you have, please find time, put down the cloak - at least once a month - to do something for you. You deserve it !!!! There is no Academy award or Nobel prize for sufferhead. 

(4) A Bad Smell can never be Hidden
Okay, I was at a party with hubby and we had been dancing for some time. We felt a bit hot, so we stepped out for fresh air. As I'm standing outside talking to hubby some Naija girls walk in between us without even saying 'Excuse me'.

I was a bit peeved but I let it slide. However, the same girls walked past us and brushed past me roughly. I begin to get angry...until hubby says to ignore them as they seem to be 'craving attention'. 

This scenario might sound familiar to some of you because I have since noticed that some of our Naija girls just lack social graces. Similarly, quite a few of our boys over here go around shouting into mobile phones - about one business deal or the other; ogling every female and looking for shortcuts to everything.

Walking around in fake Louboutin; tossing around 60'' Brazillian and squeezing into undersized lycra mini dresses does not make a cow a lady.

 Similarly, shouting into mobile phones, adorned in designer clothes and Ray bans does not make a village idiot a business tycoon.  

Whether we like it or not, when outside one's home ......we should try to conduct ourselves in a way that will make whoever raised us - proud.

(5) Reclaiming The African Child 

I really dont understand why - over here - MOST adverts for international charities have to feature a starving African child. It seems as if they feel that is the way to make people feel like giving. I also wonder why people who are raising funds for an African based charitable cause say 'They are raising money for AFRICA !!

OMG ! OMG !! 'Raisi'ng money for Africa?' Is it too much to ask 'Where in Africa?'......'What project?' .........'For how long..?'

I am not saying Africa doesnt have issues BUT not all African children are suffering, starving or disadvantaged. FYI, child poverty is a huge issue here. If you doubt me, please see here OR here OR here OR even here.

Know yourself no be curse.

See you all very soon
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Thank You

Recently, DNW and Ibhade have touched on Blogger Etiquette.

Sometimes we need posts like these to remind us of how we should behave and treat others on blogsville.

On my part, their posts have reminded me to say a BIG THANK YOU to............:
- Everyone who visits my blog;
- Everyone who comments;
- Everyone who writes on blogsville and encourages other writers
- Especially to the 173 people who follow this blog.

You all make me feel special. May all our dreams come true and may all our talents never be wasted. Amen

I'll be back soon
xxxxxxxoooooxxxxxxxxxx

Immigration 101 - Part Two

(6) When immigrants wont let go of the past:

One of my favourite verses - Luke 9:62 -  in the Bible states 'And Jesus said unto him, No man, having put his hand to the plough, and looking back is fit for the kingdom of God'

I love the simplicity of it because one can also apply it to different aspects of life:

- A new bride/ groom who still reminisces about old boyfriends/ girlfriends is not ready to build a happy home;
- A secondary school student who longs for the simplicity of primatry school is not ready to work hard;
- A mother who continues to moan that she misses her carefree childless days, is not prepared to be a good mother;
- An athlete who continuously looks over his/her shoulder - to check the competition during a race - is likely to stumble

I cannot tell you how many times I have seen Nigerians send money home to build mansions in Nigeria while they inhabit homes that can only be described as 'painful to the eyes'. Some send luxurious cars back home........which relatives end up driving on their behalf.

This situation is not exclusive to Nigerians. I have Indian and Pakistani colleagues/ friends who complain about same: Parents who built fabulous houses in their home countries..........while they have brought up children in very cramped accommodation.........all in the name of building a retirement home or showing their peers that they are successes abroad.

In my opinion, maintaining a link to one's country of origin should never be at the expense of one's dependants. An immigrant who spends more time wondering what s/he is missing out on in the country s/he left.......is not ready to build a successful life in his new country.


(7) When Nigerians/ immigrants refuse to adapt:
I am a true believer in staying true to oneself.....However, I am also believer in the saying 'Give unto Caesar what is Caesar and unto God what is God's'

One of the most difficult things an immigrant has to face is the need to adapt:
- Regarding Employment: A need to update his/her skills or education
- Regarding Finances: A need to understand that western society is generally a cash-less society (good credit rating is important)
- Regarding Education: A need to understand the education system if you want your kids to excel
- Regarding A need to understand the 'unwritten codes' i.e. what's acceptable or not

However, quite a lot of immigrants expect the society to adapt to them....Not going to happen.

Restricting all communication, socialising and interaction to the familiar (i.e. only your community) is not really helpful as one might never get to understand his/her new environment.


(8) When Nigerians do not patronise other Nigerians:
I am always frustrated when I see fellow Nigerians who do not encourage other Nigerian business owners. s  I am not talking about the businesses that deal in African food.....but the Nigerians who have other businesses.

Unfortunately, it seems Nigerians still prefer to patronize other nationalities when it comes to non-food transactions. I dont know if its a matter of distrust or envy but it amazes me when some Nigerians over here will pay double to someone else and then prefer to owe their fellow Nigerian.


(9) When immigrants think 'business' is a way out of dealing with 'the system': 
I have seen numerous immigrants decide to go into 'business' because they feel that is a way to avoid the 'system' or be independent. I applaud this choice as much as I despair about it. I applaud this because I believe the spirit of entrepreneurship means successful business owners will motivate others and break boundaries.

However, I do despair at times because some fail to realise that not everyone is cut for business.

More often than not, if you ask some of my fellow immigrants what kind of business they have in  mind, they are vague OR they base their business model on imitating someone else's business idea. Most don't think it through and the result is that most of these businesses fold up within a year. In my experience, a business MUST seek to address a need; MUST differentiate itself and MUST evolve to outlive its competitors.

The new phenomenon is that quite a lot decide to return to their home countries to start 'business'. I wont bore you with how many succeed and how many don't but believe me when I say that the vacumm left by a parent who spends most of his/her time in another country is not easy to fill.

I totally applaud the bravery of those who choose to start businesses - at home or abroad .........However, .my applause ceases in cases where the individual has chosen to invest huge sums in a business while they ignore the needs of their offspring.


(10) When immigrants forget about the other fingers:
'When a man points a finger at someone else, he should remember that three of his fingers are pointing at himself'

Immigrants often accuse their hosts of everything - while forgetting they are guilty of same:
- Complaining about racism...........???: How is that different from tribalism?
- Complaining that your hosts make fun of your skin colour............???: How is that different for the preference for lighter skinned Africans?
- Complaining about white parents who dont want their kids marrying Africans........?:  How many Africans dont feel the same?
- Complaining about how expensive everything is over here..........:  I agree..........but that's why things work
 - Complaining, Complaining, Complaining ...........???: Just deal with the here and now.....no be your papa house be this so save your energy and hustle (This is not your father's house so save your energy and get a move on)


In the words of Vintage Nollywood ...........'To God Be The Glory' LOL
Stay blessed everyone

Immigration 101 - Part One

* Immigrant = Someone who enters another country to take up permanent residence

As an immigrant, I find how other immigrants adjust and settle in their new countries very interesting.  I always try to take an objective view whenever I meet fellow immigrants who have a lot to say about their host country - good or bad......

However, there are times when my fellow immigrants/ Nigerians  living abroad make me shake my head in despair................Here are some of those times:

Disclaimer: Opinions expressed are personal. Dont hate...appreciate:

(1) When a Nigerian/ immigrant living somewhere complains that there are too many Nigerians/immigrants living in a place:
Oh yes. I hear this all the time
'London is now like  Lagos'.....
'There are too many Nigerians/ black people in this city nowadays' .......
'I remember when we were only few Nigerians/ blacks in my area....nowadays, you see Nigerians/ blacks everywhere....'

Yes oh................it never fails to cross the speaker's mind that s/he is part of that 'surplus' number of people the s/he is complaining about.
I always feel like telling them that if they leave, that might help reduce the number by at least one.


(2) When Nigerians/ immigrants argue about whether USA or UK is better?
What exactly is the point? Imagine two adults arguing over which place is better to live. To be fair, it is often the US based immigrants that want to ram it down your throat - whether you like it or not:
'The roads in London are too small'
'In the US, our malls are bigger'
'That's God's own country you know..................'
Worse still are immigrants who return back to their country of origin and complain about those countries:
'Nigerians are so corrupt. You wont see this in London'
'Accra is boring, when I'm in New York, I go clubbing all night'
'Joburg is not safe.....when I'm in Germany I can walk everywhere all night'
....... It's such a bore.
My opinion is that one should make the best of wherever one is OR leave for a better place. Again, don't bore everyone with your propaganda.
I'm sure the Jews felt comfortable in Germany at some point. My belief is that any immigrant should never disown their country of origin because one never knows how their host country will change if a far-right government ever comes into power.


(3) When Nigerians complain that Catholic or Anglican churches abroad are boring:
To me, this is the same as an Englishman entering a Catholic church in Nigeria and complaining that the church is too noisy.
So you expect people who come from a culture that is traditionally quiet and reserved, to change because of you abi?
Haba, live and let live. If you prefer to worship with your compatriots, then do feel free to look for your nearest Nigerian, Ghanaian etc etc church. However, I believe that when one is choosing a place of worship, it should be more about how the place helps your spiritual growth - and not about how well your pastor can shout or the choir can gyrate to music. Anyone who chooses a church based on how loud their praise worship is........is best advised to look for a Christian disco.


(4) When immigrants leave their values behind...

Moving to a new country is a big step and more likely than not - unless one's parents are really wealthy - one might have to make compromises with regards to where one lives/ works.

For example, if you were living in GRA Ikeja  - unless your parents are wealthy enough to maintain a similar lifestyle for you abroad - you are most likely to live in a Surulere equivalent when you arrive here. It is what it is.

However, this does not mean your values and aspirations should be compromised.
Unfortunately, this is what I have seen happen time and time again:
- Parents who choose to shove their children into just any school - without checking the school records;
- Adults who choose to down-grade their spoken English in an effort to appear cool;
- Parents who choose to suspend disciplining their children because they feel it is not done over here;
- Adults who settle for menial jobs when an option exists to retrain and get better jobs;
= Parents who focus on acquiring material things so they can impress relatives - while ignoring their children's needs etc etc
Change should NEVER mean a step backwards. Even when a person has to take a step backwards, s/he should never forget his background, values or dreams.


(5) When Nigerians/ immigrants feel they have to disown their heritage to 'fit in' :
I am always amazed when I see Nigerians/ immigrants who want to distance themselves from their country of origin.........:
- Fake accents; new friends; edited past etc etc
I have even encountered fellow Naija-born Nigerians who pretend they were born here ......... ??????!!!!! ..................As in, these are people I know can tell me the best places to buy Suya or moi-moi in Ijesha. LOL
The problem is that such actions have a way of making the person appear even more ignorant because when you start talking about things that happened in the UK in the seventies.........they struggle.

I have a Nigerian accent and I cant change it. Considering I spent 23 years in Nigeria before moving here........it would be strange if I didnt have some 'Nigerian-ness' in my speech.
Nigeria has its issues and problems but it also has a rich culture and to deny my country of origin is impossible..............'If small pickin deny im mama, the mama fit deny the pickin one day' (If a child denies knowledge of his/her mother; that same mother might one day deny knowledge of that child)

(Part Two next week Friday. Till then .....Stay blessed)