A lecture from my son

Apologies for the long absence. Unfortunately, other commitments (work, kids, family etc) have distracted me from writing.........*smile*

Something on my mind:

Whenever I get together with old friends, there’s nothing we like to do than eat, drink and have a good old chinwag (leisurely chat / gossip)

Invariably, we end up arguing/discussing Nigeria – especially about politics and our plans to return home. This happens on a regular basis as we always meet up with friends every other week.

You can only imagine my surprise when after one such visit – and chinwag – my first son came up to me:

Prof1: ‘Mum, why do you always talk about going back to Nigeria’
Me: ‘Because that’s where I grew up and I would love to return there when I’m older because the weather is warm and there’s so much help around you’
Prof1: ‘Help?’
Me: ‘Yes…..I have more relatives there so there are more people to help me with things that I might need. For example, shopping, house-keeping….’
Prof1: (empathically) ‘Well, you are not going back!’
Me: (taken aback) …..’I’m not leaving now…I mean later….when I’m older…..’
Prof1: ‘I know. You cannot go back.’
Me: (confusedly) ‘Why?’
Prof1: ‘..Because you have to stay here to take care of my children!’
Me: (smiling) ‘Ohhh…Well, I’ll come here in summer and leave in winter…How about that?’
Prof1: ‘No, that wont work!
Me: (laughing) ‘What about nursery for them?’
Prof1: (seriously) ‘They’ll go to nursery for two days and come to you for three days!’
Me: (now speechless) ‘Emmm…….’
Prof1: ‘Seriously mum, you really have to stay here all year. I will tell my wife to drop my children here on her way to work because I want them to eat jollof rice and sleep in my old bed!’
Me: (stuttering in shock) ….’Em…..okay!’

This conversation surprised me because I really did not think kids could plan that far ahead. I was impressed!

However, it did get me thinking about the fact that one of our (immigrants) biggest challenges here is childcare. Nursery fees are exorbitant to say the least and take a huge chunk out of young families’ pay packet. In fact, I can honestly say that childcare is one of the reasons young families - who have no other family members living close by - struggle to save or invest for their future.

The support of family is a blessing when you have young children. Indeed, I was very conscious of this when my kids were much younger – For example, at one time, I had two kids in nursery at the same time – this cost us a minimum of £250 per week!

I now hear that nursery fees have even increased and this amount is now a distant memory.

Considering, I had 3 different children passing through nursery over the course of 8 years – one can only imagine how much went on nursery fees! I cannot count the number of times I moaned about the fact that my mum could not come over to help (my parents are quite elderly)

So,
My son got me thinking……If I do return back to Nigeria…am I not leaving my kids to go through the same childcare challenge I went through? Is that fair? Even, am I kidding myself that I will definitely return to Nigeria when I get older?

Do tell me:
If you live abroad, do you see yourself returning to your home country anytime soon…..
OR
If you don’t live abroad - even with all the challenges you hear those abroad face - would you consider relocating to Europe, US etc if you had a chance?

PS –
I would like really honest answers, so I have decided to allow anonymous comments for a week. Thanks

Understanding Women....Lesson 101

Are women complicated creatures?

I USED to think NOT!! However, I have come to think otherwise.

Why.......?

Well, while I grew up in a house full of girls where my dad was the only male (as mum had only daughters); I now live in a house full of boys where I'm the only female (as I have only sons). Over the years, I have become convinced that a man can never truly understand the mind of a woman.

Indeed, I even believe that men are simpler creatures and women are DEFINITELY a subject-matter that men need time and patience to truly understand. Wait!! Scrap that thought........even with all the time and patience in the world, I still doubt whether ANY man can successfully unravel the mysteries of the female mind!

However, I live in hope so I am doing my best to 'enlighten' my sons about the intricacies involved in dealing with females (i.e.  nieces, female classmates, cousins......). For example, whenever we have female guests come over to the house, I always remind them (the boys) to first find out what the girls' interests are............This is to help clarify whether the guest is, a 'girly-girl - who would rather watch a movie'; OR 'a tomboy - who is ready to play a game of football or even arm-wrestle'!

Well, recently my 'enlightenment programme' progressed to another level as my first son (Prof1)  had his first impromptu Understanding Women lesson/ lecture!

I confess that I was completely unprepared for this, but I did my best....:

You see, from time to time (whenever I'm alone with any of the boys); I usually ask if there's anything they want to discuss. This is because while we (hubby and I) accept they are unlikely to tell us everything; we are keen to keep the lines of communication open .........
 
Anyway on this day, I was alone in the car with Prof1, so I absentmindedly asked:
Me: 'Is there anything you want to ask me?'
Prof1: 'Mmmmm...not really.'
Me: 'Are you sure?'
Prof1: 'Well.........' He then clams up and starts to smile as he turns up the music
I am now officially intrigued and I am determined to 'squeeze' out this info.
So, I turn the music down, concentrate on the road ahead and using my 'good-mum' voice, I now ask as cooly and nonchalantly as possible:
Me: 'Well..........?'
Prof1: 'Well, there's this girl in my class who really likes me.'

Shock! Horror!!
My first thoughts are: Chineke! OMG!! These girls want to 'corrupt' my little boy who is not even a teenager yet! And by the way, how can a girl even like a boy I still have to remind to comb his hair and tuck in his shirt? Lord help me!!!
 
Outwardly, I remain composed as I maintain my nonchalant air and ask:
Me: 'Mmmmm...which girl is that?'
Prof1: 'Lily*'
Me: 'Did she tell you herself?'
Prof1: 'Her best-friend told me first and then she told me the next day.'
My heart is racing as I imagine the crafty little girls scheming to 'steal' my darling boy. *hissssss*
 
I still remain calm as I ask:
Me: 'Do you understand what she means by saying she likes you very much?'
Prof1: 'I really don't know but she just told me that. I think she wants me to say I like her best in the class'
Me: 'Mmm...Do you like her?'
Prof1: 'No! I don't really like her but I don't want to tell her that because she might be upset!'
My thoughts at this stage: Ewo! My boy is even learning to consider a woman's feelings?! Is this good or bad I wonder?
 
I take a deep breath and continue this conversation:
Me: 'Well, you must not tell her you don't like her. But...you must never say you really like her also!'
Prof1: ...with a quizzical look on his face...... 'MMMMM?....How does that work?'
Me: 'Well, if she tells you she likes you, just say thank you. If she asks whether you like her, be polite and say you like ALL the girls and boys in the class. That way, you won't hurt her feelings.'
Prof1: .....nodding ......'Oh, okay....so basically, I shouldn't lie and I shouldn't hurt her feelings?!
Me: ....smiling.....'Exactly!!'

Well, I thought this issue had been resolved until he returned from school two days later. Taking me to one side, he blurted:
Prof1: 'Mum, Lily* was crying in school today!'
Me: 'Why? What happened?'
Prof1: 'Well, she found out I don't like her'
Me: ...alarmed....'How........?'
Prof1: 'Well, her best-friend asked me if I really liked Lily* and I said 'definitely not!'
Me: 'But I told you not to say that. didn't I?'
Prof1: 'Yes, but I never told Lily, I only answered her best-friend when she asked me.'

OMG.....I look at this boy in wonderment as I now understand how simple men are compared to women!

How could he not have know that Lily* sent her best-friend to quiz him?!
 
*Big sigh* So, this is how the Understanding Women - Lesson 101 was then imparted by me:
Me:.......'Anytime a girl's friend asks you a question, you must assume that (a) the girl sent her to ask the question and (b) whatever answer you give is going straight to the girl. Do you understand?'
Prof1: 'I think so.....So, should I tell Lily* that I might like her a bit?'
Me: 'No!!!! It's better this way. It's best she knows you don't really like her!'
Prof1: 'I thought you said its not nice to tell her I don't like her at all.'
Me: ....sighing.....'I know. But this time, you didnt tell her, her best-friend did. So, its all good!!!'
 
Prof1 walks away shaking his head confusedly. I have to stop myself from laughing out loud as I realise my son must now be thinking how complicated women are..........!
 
Well, do you agree that women are more complicated than men????

(PS: *Lily is not the girl's real name)

The Doggy Saga

My kids have come again!

This time the youngest one has been asking for a dog............A dog?
I have told him again and again that we cannot have a dog in this house because I am allergic to dogs.

The truth is, I am not really allergic to dogs but there is nothing I find more unappealing than a dog sharing the same living space as me –  pooping on my rug, licking my face or having its muddy paws on my bed. Yuck.

I apologise to all dog lovers out there but the only way I can ever have a dog in my household is if the dog gets to stay in its own dog-house (in the yard/garden). However, as the weather here is not really conducive to a dog being left outside all the time; this is not an option at all.

Again, I know that most of the day-to-day care of the dog (walks, training, vet visits etc) will eventually be added to my long list of 'mummy duties'. So a definite NO has been my answer - Dog ko, Kitten ni!

Anyway, as I mentioned before, my youngest – Blanket3 – has been asking for a dog since last year and I have refused emphatically. His requests have now become more frequent and I do believe the boy is beginning to dislike me. *smile*

What makes matters worse is that we are surrounded by neighbours who own dogs and every time he sees one of them walking their dog, he gives me this accusatory look as if ‘You witch. You don’t want me to be happy abi?’

My hubby doesn’t even help matters because as usual, he uses me as an excuse to avoid unpopular decisions. So, whenever Blanket3 asks him about getting a dog, he will say ‘Sorry, you know your mum is allergic to dogs.’ ...............wimp!

To cut a long story; the boy finally got fed up. Earlier this week, he came into my room as I was getting ready for bed and said he wanted to have a word. I sat down on the bed to listen because I really thought someone had upset him:

Blanket 3: (sitting down beside me) ‘Mummy, you know I love you?’
Me: (feeling extra special) ‘I love you too baby’
Blanket3: (smiling) ‘Mummy, I want to buy you a house’
Me: (feeling extra extra special) ‘ Awwww, thank you my baby. May God bless you. I know you will take care of me when I am old.’
Blanket3: (sighing) ‘No mummy, I want to buy you a house NOW!.’
Me: (confused) ‘Now? Don’t you like this house? Do you want to live in a new house?’
Blanket3: (with his very serious face and voice) ‘I like this house. I just want to get you a new house so you can go and live there!'
Me: (thoroughly confused) ‘Why...................?’
Blanket3: (even more very seriously) ‘Because you said you are allergic to doggy and I want my doggy to live here. You can go and live in the new house’

I am so shocked that this small boy (who is not yet 6 years old) can even consider putting a dog before me that I am speechless as he gets off my bed and walks off......He then stops, looks back at me and adds: ‘Don’t worry mummy, I’ll come and visit you ............. sometimes.’

Ewoo.......!

I guess this is how old people feel when their kids put them in care homes. I pray I don’t get divorced because this boy will definitely take his dad’s side! *sigh*

Spaghetti and Shaki

My three boys make me laugh continously and it really is never a dull moment when they are around.

I shall now introduce you to them:
     First -      Prof1(beacause his primary concern is reading more and even more............)
     Second - Cool2 (because his primary concern is looking cool...............)
     Last -      Blanket3 (because his primary concern is making sure I am seated comfortably so he can sit on my lap 24/7................).

First and second are over 8 years old and the last is under 6

And before I forget, I'll call my hubby YL (stands for young love........awwww <grin>)

Now, as a mum, one of the things that really frustrates me is getting them all to agree on what they want to eat. As we constantly alternate between naija and western food, this makes it an even bigger issue.

Here is a typical pre-meal conversation:

Prof1 walks into the kitchen and asks................'Mummy, what are we having for dinner ?'
Me: 'Spaghetti'
Cool2: 'Yaaay! I love spaghetti. Thanks mum!' and he comes over and gives me a kiss
Prof1: 'Thanks mum'
.............Silence follows as they all leave the kitchen.
After a few seconds, Blanket3 walks in, stands beside me with a frown and with his arms folded across his chest..................
Me: 'What is it, Blanket3?'
Blanket3: 'I HATE spaghetti! It's too wriggly'
Me: 'Well, you have to eat it because I wont make anything else today.'
At this stage I know tears will soon follow.
Blanket3: 'Can you feed me?'
Me: 'No...you are too old to be fed. You are a big boy now so you have to feed yourself!'
He walks out of the kitchen and I can see him sitting down on the couch with a forlorn look.
I refuse to be moved!  
Cool2 then walks in....
Cool2: 'What kind of spaghetti is it?'
Me: 'Spaghetti Bolognese'
Cool2: 'Can I have some shaki and cowleg with it?'
Me: 'NO!'
Cool2: 'Why?'
Me: 'Because shaki and cowleg is not for spaghetti bolognese'
Cool2: 'Why?'
Me: 'Because you have shaki and cowleg with Naija stew or  soup'
Cool2: 'But I like shaki and cow leg................TOO MUCH! I really do.....!'
Me:  (getting frustrated and trying to stay calm while carrying on cooking).....'Yes, I know but not today.' I answer firmly
Cool2 then leaves the kitchen. Prof1 walks in.....At this time, I really am not in the mood for any objections or domestic mutiny.
Me: 'What is it ?!' I ask tensely
Prof1: 'I just wanted to help you cook mum!' he says as he comes to stand beside me and put his head on my shoulder.
I now feel really bad and in my mind I start calling myself a real b*"^ch!

In the end, Prof1 helps out in the kitchen and we get the meal ready together.
I end up giving Cool2 some shaki (from the stew in the fridge) on top of his spaghetti.....and yes, I end up feeding Blanket3!

All round peace....for now.

Oh well, you really have to pick which battles to fight and which to walk away from .......................!