Tuesday, 26 April 2011

A Forced Marriage ?

My mind has been dwelling on how much effort goes into raising a child. From the moment a baby is conceived, all the mother's thoughts and plans revolve around the child - What foods to eat or avoid; What items to buy for the baby; How one will cope with childbirth....and so on.

These thoughts and preparations never end. Indeed, with the birth of each child, one realises that parenthood is another name for 'worry'. One worries about everything - from the mundane to the extraordinary:

One worries about their development - are they walking, talking .....?
One worries about their schooling - is the school good, are they being bullied......?
One worries about their friends - are they good friends, are they a good influence on your kids.......?
One even worries about their future - will they succeed, will they be happy.......?

All this worrying is rooted in the feeling that as a parent, your job is to protect your child. While we pray to God that our children grow up safe, happy and healthy; most parents worry - not because they feel they can control everything in their child's life - but, because they wish to be sure that they are doing their best.

With this in mind.........I ask the question: How will the parents of the murdered Corpers feel right now?

All week I have seen news reports about slain Corpers and I have grieved deeply.

These are children that as babies - were suckled by mothers; as toddlers - were fed by loving parents; as teenagers - were counseled and guided by worrying, adoring relatives; and as young adults - were supported by proud parents who watched them graduate and enter into the job market. Starting with the first act of going off - as educated citizens of Nigeria - to Youth Service.

When they got there, some people decided that - because of politics - these children (someone's most precious assets) deserved to die.

Somewhere in Nigeria, parents are wailing as they look at baby pictures of sons and daughters that they had high hopes for.

Somewhere in Nigeria, mothers are crying because children they held to their bosoms and wished safe journey have now been killed in conditions that even a dog will be spared.

Sadly, these attacks have become the norm.

I recall in the nineties, I went to Maiduguri for my youth service. My guardians who were Igbo had lived there for over a decade and ran a successful restaurant. They appeared settled and content with numerous patrons and friends. However, the year after I left Maiduguri, they returned to the South - their restaurant had been burnt to the ground during one of those riots that targeted Southerners.

Twenty years on......we are still dealing with this. How can we call ourselves Nigerians if we are afraid to travel or stay in certain parts of 'our' country? How can we call our children to 'serve our fatherland' when the nation is torn with discord and rancour?

Political analysts and observers are quick to point out that Nigeria as a country is a colonial abberation - an abnormal collection of tribes and cultures that have little in common. The North - South divide serves as evidence of this.

Increasingly, I see Nigeria as a Forced Marriage - peoples with huge differences who are forcibly brought together and who remain together because of a common asset. In most marriages, this asset may be their shared home, children or finances. However, in Nigeria's case, this is oil.

Like all bad marriages....I now wonder if it is time to call it a day? Are the differences now standing in the way of real progress? Do we owe it to future generations to accept that this marriage is not working....and for the sake of peace - part ways and negotiate a feasible divorce settlement ?

Should we be thinking of a referendum to ask Nigerians the question - 'Should Nigeria be split into two?'

Do let me know what you think.....

Nigeriavillagesquare.com is sponsoring a petition for ALL youth corpers serving in these volatile states to......:
        - Be withdrawn immediately, redeployed to other states of  their choosing, or be excused for the rest of the service year. 
        - Be excused from serving as electoral officers in the upcoming governorship elections as we are not convinced that adequate and confirmed security can be provided for them.
AND for the identities of all youth corpers who lost their lives in this violence to be made public. 

You can click here to sign the petition


  1. It really hurts me to hear about those slain corpers. It hurts even more to know that if nothing is done about the whole north vs south mentality, more innocent southerners/non-muslims will be killed in the north. Just like the killings in jos and all the boko haram drama in the past, these things would keep happening except Nigeria takes a bold step. It hurts to know that some northern politicians and religious leaders actually secretly back these murderers. I am just sick and tired of hearing about the loss of innocent lives in the one nation i call home. It seriously brings tears to my eyes. I think Nigeria should split cos the forced marriage obviously isnt working. I dont caare about the economic consequences of the split, as long as it would save the lives of people that would have been killed.. then let us split! It's sad that poverty and illiteracy has turned most northerners to extremists with no regard for human lives. The pictures of massacres that happen in that hell hole called northern nigeria are just plain evil.

  2. Hummm... a great point NaijaMum, a really great point. in my humble opinion, I don't think the problem has ever been about culture or religion,I belief it's all a result of politicians and business men alike who stand to gain from the chaos, taking advantage of the high illiteracy and poverty in the north. the youths who go out to kill do not have any clue as to what they are fighting for, they do it for the promises of money and food. People who will take their own lives for material gains are not afraid by any means to take the lives of other, they are willing to kill their own tribesmen, why not someone that doesn't speak their language. Killing in the north is a game of Russian roulette, kill or be killed.

    I think it's high time we take a closer look at the problem in the north, separation will not solve anything. you can never truly deal with a problem if you have never taken the time to examine the underlying cause. There continues to be a stereotypical perpetuation of the North Vs South drama, no life is worth more than the other, I mean God created us all. we have to grief for all the lives that have been cut short, both northerners and southerners alike. It's time to step back and take a second look, with no preconceived notions.

    Chaii... that is long sha oo.

  3. The beginning of ur post had me in tears!

    A forced marriage is a very good description of the situation in Nigeria between the north and the south. As far as it splitting up- i don't really know. There's a lot of "politics" involved that will lead to a lot more bloodshed as far as what territory, assets, etc goes to whom and such because no one is going to be the one to say "ok you can have _____" Not to mention, there will be tons of displaced people. What are Igbos and Yorubas living in the north going to do should the North break away? And who's to say that our problems will be solved with the North and South going their separate ways?
    From the outside looking in (as i've never lived in naija), the biggest issue is pride, tribalism and subsequent corruption. Those things aren't going to change just because the north and the south form separate nations. It will alleviate some issues but its not going to be a be-all/end-all fix, IMO.

  4. All week, I have been pensive - thinking about Ukeoma and Obinna and all the others whose names we do not know yet. I must have gone to Ukeoma's FB page like 10 times and railed against the North until my husband and a close Igbo friend told me to get a grip on it. I took the deaths quite personal and I cannot imagine the pain of those who knew them personally, whether as family of friends. I really cannot begin to fathom their pain...

    As an emotional being, I will be the first to sign off against Nigeria remaining with the North. I was also posted there for the NYSC and I cannot begin to tell you the level of hatred that sporadically erupts in many of the people there. I would much rather prefer that part of the country is cut off.

    However, I will also defer to the logic of uti possidetis. Unless we go back to 1884/1885 and undo the sinister Berlin Conference, I fear any referendum will only lead to more of it. We can collectively ask that the North be a separate territory. But then, Biafrans may ask for the same. And then, the Niger-Deltans will ask, "why not us?". Where then do we draw the finishing line? There will probably be no end. And you'll be surprised the North may refuse to leave in peace. The South is its primary - if not only - access to the sea ports. Well-advised countries don't usually do that. That's why Ethiopia is still smarting from giving up Eritrea.

    Perhaps we can begin to deliberate on having a confederation instead of the current federation. Even that will take a lot to be able to work out the details but it still looks a bit more feasible.

    It's sad to admit that a forced marriage is easier to split up than Nigeria because I would think that the marriage is probably a monogamous one so that would be easier. Where you have a forced marriage involving a large number of parties, it would be really difficult to divide the assets and apportion the liabilities. Negotiating a divorce for Nigeria is a lot more difficult than one would imagine.

    Sorry about the long comment. I just went on and on...

  5. No need for long talk, we NEED to split. FULL STOP!

    We can NEVER be one with the North. By 'we' I mean the East, South and West. Enough is enough. No need for trying to change anybody's mentality, it will NOT work. Let us not bother wasting out time. Time and time again the Northerner's have shown no compassion or respect for the lives of Nigerians. Nigerians are fun loving, peaceful people who will rather party than go to war! The Northerners are blood thirsty demons who will kill at the slightest opportunity. For those that say it is political, why is the same not happening in other areas, why is the north the only one that are killing people?

    I tire o jare! We NEED to split! They do NOT have an advantage if they decide to resist and we go to war. This is NOT the case of Biafra where the British had concentrated the army in the North and supplied them with heavy arms. All of us be solder now o! We all get guns and arms and we get the money to buy the arms! Please the north has to go for the peace and security of our children and our future.

  6. Naija mum this is worst than forced marraige!
    I am so angry with what has being happening in Nigeria in the last couple of weeks. I feel so much anger with the way southerners are being slaughtered in the North. I feel it is time we seriously start talking about separation. I know it is not as simple as it sounds but for the sake of our children's future we have to eventually do it.
    Personally I believe we are very differnt from this people, this marriage cannot work.

  7. its true, forced marriage is not just literarily forcing but also indirectly influencing someone without giving them a choice. its a crazy situations esp with d increase in divorce these days

  8. @kitkat
    I hear you when you say 'I am just sick and tired of hearing about the loss of innocent lives in the one nation i call home'
    I have been really down about this.
    However, I'm still torn between the anger I feel and my hope for peaceful co-existence between all tribes *sigh*
    Thanks my dear. Hope you have a blessed week.

    Like you, I believe that certain 'politicians and business men alike stand to gain from the chaos, taking advantage of the high illiteracy and poverty in the north'

    Again, I do agree that some of these Northern youths are too easily swayed by messages tailored to incite religious prejudices.

    My issue now is - How long do we keep sacrificing our children at the imaginary 'altar of national unity' What comfort do we give a grieving mother if her child seems to have died for nothing. Indeed, what comfort do we give to grieving mothers as kids die every year?

    My dear sister, I truly understand that seperation is not easy. Your point that 'it's high time we take a closer look at the problem in the north' resonates with me.

    For too long, we have swept all this under the carpet. We have to tackle this issue. Via open dialogue or a referendum.

    I draw reference from the India/Pakistan example when I say it might be time we consider partition. If not for our good - but for the good of our future generations.

    Thanks so much for your comment. I really appreciate it

  9. Taking a deep breath, I see your point re:

    Re 'The beginning of ur post had me in tears'
    I do apologise...but I wanted us to empathise with the families of these Corpers.

    I see your point re: ' What are Igbos and Yorubas living in the north going to do should the North break away? And who's to say that our problems will be solved with the North and South going their separate ways?'

    Like you, I'm careful to prescribe drastic action considering I now live outside the country. However, the recent events have moved me deeply.

    Totally agree that we have deep set issues with pride, tribalism and corruption. Agree also that these wont change just because the north and the south form separate nations. While partition might solve the problem of religious divisions, we might then be faced by tribal unrest.
    Truly food for thought, food for thought.

    Thanks my sister.

    I feel you with regards to the hurt you feel. Sometimes, we feel so powerless in the face of evil. *sigh*

    I agree that we cannot go back to the Berlin conference BUT we must take control of our destinies. If the blind man sits down and continues to curse the day he was born...he will never find a way to feed.

    I am totally with you re: 'the North may refuse to leave in peace' Why would they. That will be like throwing away the good that lays the golden egg. I fear we are now facing a situation where certain people feel that power should be their birthright - and the south should only exist to work for them. I'm sure you've heard of the saying 'Monkey dey work, baboon dey chop' That's what we have here.

    I see your point with regards to a confederation. However I fear this option is likely to flounder as not all regions can be self-sustaining. The bulk of our wealth comes from the South.

    Truly, this is a no-win situation. How do we go forward. I fear these riots will only continue and worsen. How long before Abuja becomes a no-go area also?

    My dear, thanks for your comment. I really appreciate the depth of thought behind it.

  10. @Anonymous 9.37
    I feel you when you say 'No need for long talk, we NEED to split. FULL STOP!'

    However, after reading the feedback here. I am beginning to feel that we need nation-wide discussions about this issue.

    We seem to have ignored these divisions for too long. More often than not, whenever writers or commentators touch on these issues, they are hushed down by people who fear a return of the war days. I pray we never see those days BUT we need to find a solution.

    If a dog-owner beats the dog everyday...the day will certainly come when that dog will bite the hand that feeds it.

    Thanks for your comment. Really appreciated.

    @Anon @10.52
    Feel you re: 'I am so angry with what has being happening in Nigeria in the last couple of weeks'

    My dear, no be only you.

    Also agree that 'I know it is not as simple as it sounds but for the sake of our children's future we have to eventually do it.'
    My thoughts exactly. However, we have to do this systematically - with processes in place well before any partition takes effect.

    Nigeria is a rich and vibrant nation. We deserve better. We are better than all this bloodshed.

    Thanks for stopping by.

  11. @Chizy K
    mmmm....See your point re: 'forced marriage is not just literarily forcing but also indirectly influencing someone without giving them a choice'

    We werent given a choice...but we must now choose.

    Thanks for dropping by

  12. I have always been hopeful that Nigeria can work as one country. The current events are bone-chilling and heart-rending but I still think that the situations can be resolved if the underlying problem of underdevelopment in the north is tackled. I mean even after separation, does that mean the south can never travel to the north, do business, marry? I sometimes tire for Nigeria but the hope always wins. I do agree that we need a referendum to talk things out, allowing these death to be swept under the carpet will be criminal.

    ps. Could you please add a link to the petition on nigeriavillagesquare.com? Thanks!


    Words can never be enough to soothe the deep sore that had been given to parents to nurse for life until they depart from this wicked world.

    If a child fell sick & died...then it's a different issue & would be accepted but to be butchered like cow.............................................................................sorry can't continue *teary eyes*

  14. It is definitely a forced marriage and with what comes with realizations, a divorce should be in order with restraining orders!
    Between my learning about amalgamation in primary school and the visible stress my mom went to trying to contact her sister and family up in Kaduna everytime, I figured it was a bad idea.

  15. We need separation but I have no confidence in our southern leaders because they are too corrupt to represent us.

  16. This is really sad oh! It must be torture for their parents. As for Nigeria splitting up, i'm totally against it. The world is going global, so it would be a political, economic, and social nightmare to split the country- think of all the intermarriages (and believe me, they are a lot)- so who will claim where? How about the middle belt, where would they be? We don't think of ourselves as North at all. So many issues to think of really. And honestly, this last crises was not about religion but about CPC/PDP.

    But all these, something drastic must be done. I wish the government would SMOKE these places- with NO MERCY and make them scapegoats.


  17. @Myne
    I agree re: 'The current events are bone-chilling and heart-rending'
    However, I struggle to comprehend how the 'underlying problem of underdevelopment in the north' can be tackled when religion continues to be used as a way of controlling minds.

    Truly, I am hanging onto hope but the rope is getting slippery *sad smile*

    Agree with you that we do need open discussion about what has happened but considering we are still struggling to find out the names of murdered corpers.....I feel this incident might be swept under the carpet - once again.

    Re: the link, I have added it to my post. Small steps, small steps....One day we will fly. Amen
    Thanks Myne.

    @ Ibhade
    My sisterrrrrr! See me oh!

    I feel you. All week I have been soo upset. Even my hubby had to tell me to calm down. Everytime I read about another lost life...I felt physically sick !!!

    Mmmh ! Please have a good week. Be safe.

    @HoneyDame said...
    You have made me laugh through tears @ ' a divorce should be in order with restraining orders'

    I hear you re: 'the visible stress my mom went to trying to contact her sister and family up in Kaduna everytime'......This has been going on for sooo long. Indeed, it has become an annual 'event'

    Will it ever change without something drastic ?
    I really wonder.
    Thanks so much my sistah

  18. @ Anonymous
    mmm...re: '....but I have no confidence in our southern leaders because they are too corrupt to represent us'
    That is a valid point. Too true.
    History has shown us that they are more likely to put Greed and their Ego before the peoples' wishes.
    Where do we go from here then......??

    @The Corner Shop
    My dear sistah...It is truly sad.
    I hear you regarding the middle belt, intermarriages etc. Totally valid

    I also agree that the crises was orchestrated by political puppet-masters. However, I do believe that religion has been used to 'rally the troops' in the North. Past experience has shown that religious leaders in the North are very influential...often to the detriment of the Southerners in their midst.

    Many thanks for your input - especially with regards to our middle belt brothers and sisters.

  19. LOL @ HoneyDame's divorce with restraining orders.
    It's a complex issue as per dividing up Nigeria. It was crooked from the start, the colonial masters made sure of that. The modalities are just too uncertain.

    I'm with OS on this one. Divorce would be rather messy and could be long and drawn out with bloodshed. Maybe a regional government - each with their separate jurisdictions. Each region would have their own leader (ie north and south). Even that would be difficult like Adiya pointed out. But that's where a referendum might be useful. The middle belt can choose which region they want to be with. And no rigging, lol.

  20. I've always been against Nigeria as we know it. I believe the borders are a remnant of the colonialism.

    Having said that, about the "forced marriage," the South separating from the North would be band-aid solution. The West (or rather most Yoruba people) don't have any allegiance to Igbo people and vice versa, so it'll only be a matter of time before tribal clashes would erupt.

    A true divorce would have to involve a greater fracturing of Nigeria along ethnic lines rather than region.

    I'm tempted to believe we function better in small groups. I'm not implying that we're incapable of managing a whole country o.

  21. One more thing, I strongly believe the North would secede from the rest of Nigeria once the oil stops flowing in the Niger delta.

  22. I promise this is last comment:-). I just read through the other comments and I agree completely with OS. He/She hit the nail on the head.

    While we're talking divorce, I also think we should change the name of our country. What is Nigeria??? What does it mean to you and me? Why should we still be going by some random name a mistress or whatever from the colonial era picked out for us? We should be named Naija or something more meaningful and representative of who we are and what we stand for.

    I shudder when I think of the future of our country when the oil is gone....

  23. @ The Corner Shop, please it ended up not being about CPC/PDP. If it was they would have fought themselves and perhaps killed themselves also. But it ended up being about Christians and Southerners. It always does. There is an underlying hatred towards any one from the South. We have to SPLIT. We cannot carry-on burying young people because of unity in Nigeria! We MUST split!!!!!!

  24. Nigeria to split? Hmm! We are looking at that as a solution to the killings, let us also consider what the splitting process can bring, it can lead to war, maybe more lives lost.

    what are we to split into, 2 separate religious groups or 3-4 geo-political zones with conflicting interests. If Nig is to be splited, believe me that about 3-4 countries will emerge and the process will not be palatable.

    My prayer, let Nigeria work as one, let the peace being preached by all religions be practiced by all. Let education in the North be looked into, and unemployment tackled.
    Nigeria can be united and peaceful if we believe. Please lets try again.

    For corps members killed in the north, Ukeoma Aikfavour- I called you hero after reading your last fb update, and other heroes massacred with you, may your souls rest in peace.

    For grieving family and friends, let us hope that they did not die in vain, may God grant us the fortitude to bear this great loss. Amen!

  25. very insightful! what we need are laws that will govern corruption and consequences for those unlawful acts. Things like these do not happen overseas because of laws. Almost everyone thinks of themselves first and I don't know that a separation will stop that. It may stop the killings but then what will stop them from crossing the border to kill. We just needs laws and we need consequences. My husband also thinks separating is the answer but I was in the East working and saw doctors who cared nothing for their patients but instead of how they broke bread. I saw many die as a result of that. I saw a bleeding patient on the doorsteps of the E.R. and the head nurse was tendering her cousin's knee and when I confronted her she said her cousin cannot sit on the floor. She hated me because I ordered her cousin to the floor and placed the bleeding patient on the bed. I was stopped ~ 20 times by police for bribes before I arrived at the hospital every morning. I witnessed c-sections performed on dead babies for the sake of charging for a c-section; I saw docs who were never trained to perform surgery, performing surgeries, I performed surgeries with no anesthesia because it was emergent but what was more emergent to the Anesthesiology was eating supper; I saw young women beaten by docs to hurry and push to deliver their babies because they had something better to do- men who will never know the pain of labor ...I can go on and on (NO LAWS).

  26. Its so sad this killings keep recurring.

  27. What unites us is greater than what divides. Even forced marriage can later lead to Truce if not affection. Secession has never been an option to me. Our politicians and their lack of political will have always been the problem to me. Miscreants/lack of education/poverty can easily bring out the brute in man. When we shout secession and turn our rhetoric into 'those hausa youth" "those moslems" the ruling elite are happy. These murderers will go back home to their starvation and rankadede. While families are mourning, life goes on for the Governors of the States, the commissioners of police, the State Police force, the NYSC directors, the Defence Minister, the IG of police who failed to provide security to these citizens. If they had assembled a minimum of 50 armed policemen (less than the number protecting the first lady of Bauchi I am sure) who have been ordered to shoot on sight, NOTHING WOULD HAVE HAPPENED. NOTHING!! WHO WANTS TO DIE? but the people in charge cared less. So for me, its a No, all this talk of secession just removes our focus from the source - our leaders. In a civilised society Buhari would have been jailed or at least visited the jail even if for 1 hr for treason/for inciting unrest. In a civilised country heads would have been rolling. There would be indictments. Wasnt security part of the oaths sworn by all of the above? In a country that cared, they would have ensured that Corpers sent to work in a high risk mission (isnt election dangerous in Nigeria? How many have died for this election in the past one year?) were kept safe.
    Of all the tribes in Nigeria, I have always had great admiration for Northerners - regular northerners like you and me - not street urchins. I have met humane, honest, loyal and intelligent northeners. I have met northerners whose peacefulness, soft spokenness and piety have made me admire Islam. I have met northerners who are crying at what is happening but are helpless like you and I. Even ex-Corpers in the north will confess this to be true. They will also tell you of the deep poverty and lack of education there which makes this urchins become slaves to their rich masters who handout crumbs to them. I will not let the action of street urchins change my views that we can live together in peace in this country.
    My heart goes out to the families who are bearing the brunt of our failed leadership. May God give them comfort. But for those who sit uncaring in their high places...May they never find peace. May they reap the same discord they have sown a million times over - till they let justice be done and bring the perpetrators to book. If for once they will be tough and honest enough to catch perpetrators, and sentence them to capital punishment, this madness will stop I promise you all.
    my 5 kobo.

  28. Naijamum, it is indeed a forced marriage, but let us face it, if we decide to get a 'divorce'. heads will roll and the bloodshed in the country will be worse than all the once that has happened in the history of Nigeria put together. It is so easier said than done.
    I don't have the solution to Nigeria's problems, but one thing I know is separation might not be the most logical option now.

  29. Every nation has its challenges and Nigeria is not excluded. However the solution to the nation's problems lies with the people listening to the voice of God. "If My people who are called by name will humble themselves, and pray and seek My face, and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin and heal their land." (2 Chronicles 7 v 14)

  30. @Prism:
    I agree with you that 'separating from the North would be band-aid solution'
    I also agree with you that tribal distrust might sooner than later lead to tribal clashes erupting.
    I feel you that 'I'm tempted to believe we function better in small groups'....However that is sad as developed countries manage to move forward even though they are a collection of different people.
    What exactly is our problem? Might I suggest religion as the most divisive issue in Nigeria - even more so than tribalism

    I feel you re: the oil.
    What troubles me is a strategy where so much oil is diverted to the north. Why exactly?

    re '.. this is last comment'...abeg feel free my sistah. na who get mouth dey talk. :)))

    I also appreciated OS' comments. Thoughtful and insightful. Re: Nigera's name...I see your point. Suggestions have been made that the name be changed - my take on it is that: you fit change monkey name but monkey go still be monkey. :))

    Like you, I shudder to think what will happen when the oil goes. Western countries are already investing in research into alternative fuels.

    As soon as a feasible/ cost effective alternative to oil can be found.......Naija own don finish - especially if we dont have any other source of income.

  31. @Anonymous
    Totally agree that it ended up being about religion. It always does. That's what makes it so sad and this makes me believe that some people are too easily manipulated.
    Again, they have little respect for human lives. Extremism comes in various guises. You do not have to be a suicide bomber to be an extremists. When you are willing to set another human being on fire - simply because of his origins. That makes you an extremist. A despicable human being also
    Thanks for dropping by

    @ nutritionalert
    I totally agree that splitting may lead to war and loss of lives. I do not suggest splitting lightly at all, at all.

    However, are we not losing lives already? Parts of Naija have become no-go areas for some Nigerians already. I live in the UK and I can decide to move to another if I so wish.

    How can we carry on like this?

    I feel you when you say the process will not be palatable....but the present stalemate makes me sick. If we continue limping along, we shall never reach the finish line.

    May the family and friends of the slain corpers find solace in their fact that their deaths have started rumblings of discontent that cannot be silenced.

    Thanks my sistah

    I totally agree when you say that we need laws. However, I have to say that we do have some laws, processes and structures in place to punish unlawful acts. Unfortunately, these are all theoretical as little is practised or delivered.

    As you mentioned - 'we need consequences'

    Great point about your experiences in the East. *Shaking my head* re: 'I saw a bleeding patient on the doorsteps of the E.R. and the head nurse was tendering her cousin's knee' Sad but true of most hospitals.

    Your experiences - with the police, c-sections, untrained doctors; lack of anasthesia; the absent anesthesiologist; women in labour being treated badly etc etc - all illustrate how deep our problems run.

    Thanks so much for the insight

  32. @PET
    My sistah, it's so sad..I cannot even find any more tears.
    Thanks xoxoxox

    @ Ginger
    Agree that we are united by shared experiences etc
    However, our differences - religion, education levels, culture, language, aspiration levels - seem to be pulling us apart.

    Totally agree that our politicians have been a problem

    Again, totally agree that 'Miscreants/lack of education/poverty can easily bring out the brute in man' Well said

    I feel you re: 'If they had assembled a minimum of 50 armed policemen (less than the number protecting the first lady of Bauchi I am sure) who have been ordered to shoot on sight, NOTHING WOULD HAVE HAPPENED. NOTHING!! WHO WANTS TO DIE?'

    Re ' all this talk of secession just removes our focus from the source - our leaders' I have ton say that politicians EVERYWHERE are least likely to be poster-boys for honesty and values. It will take a miracle to change our leaders. However, my immediate concern is the loss of innocent lives.
    Whether we guard the corpers or not, the precedence has been southerners being killed everytime there is a minor issue in the north.
    This should not go on.

    Re: Buhari being held responsible for these deaths. That should have happened. However, the issue of random acts of violence against southerners still remains.

    Like you, I respect 'humane, honest, loyal and intelligent northeners. I have met northerners whose peacefulness, soft spokenness and piety have made me admire Islam'. However, as a mother my concern is that I would like to send my child to another part of 'my' country WITHOUT being afraid that he faces danger - simply because of his origins & beliefs.

    I stayed in the north for some time and I noticed how deeply entrenched the class system was. Some of them have a strong control over others. This allows them to be manipulative when they need 'dirty deeds' done. It is not my place to question their social structure or class system. I just want our children safe.

    Amen re: 'But for those who sit uncaring in their high places...May they never find peace'
    Karma is a bitch. They cannot take away someone's jewel and expect their's to remain untouched. There is a God.
    Thank you for your insightful comments

    I agree that 'if we decide to get a 'divorce'. heads will roll and the bloodshed in the country will be worse'
    Totally see your point...but what do we do to end all these killings happening right now?

    Thanks for dropping by

    Thanks re: 'Every nation has its challenges and Nigeria is not excluded'
    I see your point re: listening to God
    Unfortunately, unless God comes down and appears to each and very one of us, people choose to hear what they want to hear.
    I would describe Nigeria as a very religious country. Unfortunately, we do not treat our 'neighbours' as we wish to be treated.
    There is a lot of hypocrisy about. God cannot be fooled.
    Thanks for dropping by

  33. @Prism
    I just realised I forgot to thank you for taking the time to comment. Much appreciated. Truly

  34. Forced Marriage...maybe so but we MUST find a way to live in harmony. Divorce will be worse. Someone mentioned above the fact that we will probably be split by regions and that's is probably the reality.
    We lump northerners into one big lump but the reality is there are different fractions of north as well. Fulanis/Hausa/Muslim/Xtian/Etc...so who are we splitting from?
    The Igbo will want to go their way. The Niger Deltans will want to brag and say they own oil so they will want to go their way...where will it end.

    And for all the people shouting divorce...are you on ground? If war breaks out will be go in the streets and fight or do you sit in the comfort of your homes abroad and behind computer screens calling for war in the name of divorce?? I'm not talking to you Naijamum. Pls lets not be hasty in our thinking.

    Our leaders are our problem. If they treated the commonman with a little bit of respect we might not be in this mess. The killers need to channel their anger at the right quaters...they should help us kill off all the corrupt leaders.

  35. @Anonymous:
    Thanks so much for your insightful comments

    Really valid point you made about 'We lump northerners into one big lump but the reality is there are different fractions of north as well'
    I have to admit that even I am guilty of this. I do recognise the middle belt areas (Jos, Benue, Kwara etc) as different from the north but I do see the north as homogenous most times. Mistake.

    Again re: 'all the people shouting divorce...are you on ground?' Truly valid point. No offence taken. This is an open discussion. That is why I have suggested a referendum to guage the mood of Nigerians (with regards to splitting or not)

    However, as so many comments have pointed out - even this might lead to blodshed. That is not what we want. Especially as we know that some sections of society are easily manipulated by political puppet-masters.

    Thanks for pointing out also that our leaders are our problem. I doubt whether your suggestion that 'the killers need to channel their anger at the right quarters' will happen especially as these killers are often pawn in the hands of political leaders.

    I can only describe our current situation as a no-win situation. Where do we go from here?

    Many thanks for droppping by and your well thought out comments. Appreciated.


I always look forward to reading comments from visitors - so please leave yours. Many thanks for dropping by....xoxoxox