Hello to you, Goodbye to 2011

No excuses, no long story......I have been MIA for too, too long and I apologise to all ........... especially to all those brothers and sisters who dropped by or sent me an email to effectively say:
 'NA WA FOR YOU OH !!!' ...........LOL

Some even dropped by to check the blog and then 'je-je-lly' (quietly) move on with a loud 'MSCHEWWWW...........YEYE WOMAN !' LOL

My self-imposed absence is over and after a lot of thought, I have come to a compromise - that will allow me manage my blog effectively.....alongside my numerous other commitments:
I have decided to blog once a month for now - as I really don't want to lose touch with you all. Thus, I will blog on the first Saturday of every month. (However, my first post for 2012 will be tomorrow)

As we leave 2011 and enter 2012:
I pray the new year will bring you all peace and happiness.
All your dreams will come true.........tenfold.
For those of us who wept in 2011......2012 will be full of laughter and happiness;
For those who buried loved ones in 2011, next year will see our loss healed by endless blessings;
For those who suffered financial distress in 2011, next year will see abundance all around;
For those who sought love without success in 2011, next year will come with the love that is right for you;
For those who lost themselves in 2011.....I pray 2012 will be your year of Empowerment, Self-Realisation and Self-fulfillment.
Amen and Amen

My people say 'Shine your Eye no be Curse' (Advising someone to 'Beware' is not an insult).......so I pray 2012 is the year we are not only aware of potential hazards to our progress /welfare........but it is also the year we are empowered to overcome/ challenge those hazards. AMEN 

Happy New Year......

Please enjoy this video of an artiste I just discovered - Michael Kiwanuka - I believe he is going to be big in 2012:


See you next year....xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Awards and Questions

As I thought of the best way to resume blogging, I started thinking about what would be the best post to publish first.
I then decided it would be best to respond to the Versatile Blogger award that I have been awarded by Luciano and  Nightingale. 


Many thanks to both of you and my apologies for the delayed response.

Fortunately/ unfortunately, I did something similar to this here: 

http://naijamuminlondon.blogspot.com/2011/03/sneaking-inand-saying-thanks.html. 

However, in the spirit of sharing, I will share 7 things that worry me about today's Nigerian society (including Nigerians living abroad) :

1. Being famous is now a goal? 

If you ask some kids what they want to be in future, they will answer....'I want to be famous'. More often than not, if you then ask them 'Famous for what?'; they are likely to say 'I dont know' or 'I just want to be a celebrity'. I beg to ask what we are doing wrong as parents and role models when kids today don't even talk about aspiring to be inventors, scientists, writers or artists.............

2. Knowledge is so underrated !

When I was younger, I grew up around a university campus.  While I knew that academics were more often than not poorer than most businessmen; I admired the knowledge they had. However, I do feel that our Nigerian society totally disrespects the real academics/ knowledge seekers amongst us. A society that does not reward intelligent and inquisitive minds is not ready to grow.

3. Academic qualifications can be overrated !

I cannot tell you how many times I have come across Nigerians who have a string of degrees and academic qualifications ........without any work experience. This may be acceptable in some fields - i.e. research. However, as someone who works in Education/ Training, I have to say that most employers prefer experience and great personality instead of a suitcase of redundant degrees

4. Priorities are skewed for most young ladies............

Who is the slimmest? Who has the richest boyfriend? Who has the richest dad? Who has the most friends on facebook? Who has the latest designer bag? Who was invited to the wedding-of-the year? Whose skin is lightest? Whose hair is 'on point'? Who has only sons? Who has had only daughters? 

Sometimes, when I listen to young ladies talk, I almost feel like we have taken a step back in time - to a time when women were expected to be ornaments and appendages. Dont get me wrong, I love fashion and looking good but even my late grand-mother sounded more empowered than most of our young ladies today. If this is the way forward......I shudder. *sigh* All I can say to such ladies is 'Get smart .........as the saying goes - 'Beauty fades but dumb is forever' 

5. Priorities are skewed for most young men..........

Who has the 'baddest' car? Who has 'hit it big time'? Who has married a rich man's daughter? Who wears designer items? Who buys the most champagne in the club? Who has built the biggest house?

Again, dont get me wrong, I love a good ride and a man who knows how to enjoy life...However, when a man knows how to SPEND money and not how to MAKE money...we have a problem.

6. The more things change, the more they remain the same !

It has been said that 'There is nothing new under the sun'. This is certainly true when one looks at societal trends:

Most of the people who criticised past Nigerian military governments are now in power? Are they any better?

The young girls who criticised their mothers for succumbing to negative cultural dictates are now wives and mothers themselves....Are they any stronger? I think not.

The young boys who criticised their fathers for disrespecting their mothers with serial adultery are now husbands themselves ...................Have they chosen a different path? In most cases...........NO

7. Will blurred identities mean blurred visions?

Blurred = Something that is hazy and indistinct to the sight or mind

Personal Identity =  how a persons identifies him/herself

Cultural Identity = A person's self-affiliation (or categorization by others) as a member of a cultural group

National Identity = A person's belief in membership of a nation

No man can be an island and we are all influenced - in different ways - by music, religion, television etc

As Nigerians travel more and are exposed to more influences, I do wonder what the 'Nigerian identity' will be like in future.

Who could have predicted a 'Karen Igho' ten years ago? I like 'progress' as much as the next man but as my people say ' River wey forget im source go run dry' (A river that forgets its source will surely run dry)

So, a big thank you to Luciano and  Nightingale for the award. I do appreciate it. 

Do share anything that makes you worry about today's Nigerian society................Thanks for always coming over xxxxxxxxxxx

Poetic Apologies

What can I say........?

I guess this is how friendships are lost...........?.

Just one day, I said

No blogging, no blog hopping,

Focus on pressing deadlnes,

Focus on kids returning to school,

Focus on those demands and responsibilities,

That threatened to engulf me.

Thirty days later......

The deadlines have been met,

The kids are settling well in school,

The demands have been answered,

And I feel at peace.

I guess this is how friendships are reborn........?

Today, I said,

I must blog my apology,

I must re-enter the fold,

I must remember why I started blogging,

And why I love reading blogs.

What can I say? 

Apologies for my sudden absence........
*sigh*

Make a Move

So, we are actually in September ??? ...................114 days (16 weeks) to Christmas Day...............121 days (17 weeks)  to enter into the year 2012 !!!!

All I can say to you - and me also - is WAKE UP !  WAKE UP !! 

If there's some dream you vowed to pursue  at the beginning of the year, you better make a move - or in 17 weeks, you will be carrying over that dream

If there's some vice/ person/ thing you vowed to get rid off at the beginning of the year, you better make a move or you will be dragging that baggage into another year

If there's a part of your life you vowed to improve upon at the start of 2011; you better resurrect that goal or you will probably enter 2012 with a nagging feeling you have unfinished business.

If there's someone out there you feel is your soul mate...............well, you know what I'm going to say......MAKE A MOVE !!


xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

See No Evil, Hear No Evil, Speak No Evil

I planned to blog about something funny and upbeat today. However, after the bombing in Abuja, I have been so confused.


My confusion - WHAT IS GOING ON ????.................................................


I know Nigeria has always had its share of challenges BUT this violence is just spiraling out of control.


Since January 2010, Boko Haram has been at the heart of so many atrocities. This year alone, they have been behind several attacks -  including a car bomb attack on the Police HQ; a bomb blast at a bar near an Abuja barracks. Needless to say, innocent lives have been lost


Surprisingly, it seems that whenever the perpetrators are even caught, they are killed instantly. How will we ever get to the root of all this if those who can reveal more - are killed as soon as they are captured?


Some may feel the best way to deal with Nigeria's challenges is to pretend they dont exist. I beg to differ. Even if I am not a politician, my conscience dictates I must speak/rant/cry........................whatever.


The Irish philosopher, Edmund Burke (1729-1797) once said - 'All that's necessary for the forces of evil to win in the world is for enough good men to do nothing'


While I pray for God to intervene in Nigeria's future; I also pray that those who are in a position to stop this violence do not adopt the principle of  'See no Evil; Hear no Evil and Speak no Evil'
If they do, the repercussions will be disastrous. 


The poem below by Martin Niemoller (1892-1984) was originally written about the failure of German intellectuals to condemn Nazi rise to power. 


I do believe the poem totally encapsulates what happens when evil is allowed to take root in any society:

First they came for the communists,

and I didn't speak out because I wasn't a communist,

Then they came for the trade unionists,

and I didn't speak out because I wasn't a trade unionist.

Then they came for the Jews,

and I didn't speak because I wasn't a Jew.

Then they came for me

and there was no one left to speak for me

*sigh* Please have a blessed week

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Super-Heroes OR Super-Zeroes (2)

Before I begin, I want to say thank you to all who commented on the last post.

My hubby read the comments and told me that I am in trouble - because everyone is expecting one 'gan-gan' (stupendous) story on Sunday. LOL................. I told him that he is a trouble-maker. LOL

Anyway, here goes:

Example 2: 
When I was growing up, we had two neighbours. As is the norm - in Nigeria - we (the kids) called the two mothers in those homes 'aunties'.

The first aunty had spent all her life in the Edo/Delta area. She had three kids. Her home was quite modest - because money was tight for her. Her hubby was an average earning civil servant and she was an average earner also. This aunt was pretty, simple and motherly. Then, I saw her as the traditional Naija mum/wife because she wasnt really into make-up, dieting etc. She wasn't even keen on driving herself because she was 'scared' of dangerous drivers. I will call her 'Aunty Basic'

The second aunty had spent most of her life in Lagos. She had four kids (three boys and a girl) - who were a bit older than Aunt Basic's kids. Aunty Flash did some of her education in London and even had some of her kids abroad. Her hubby was a civil servant but she did some business (buying and selling alongside her regular job). As a child, I saw her as the 'funkier' one because her dress-sense was fantastic, she was also very conscious of her weight and she travelled abroad often. Her home was quite flash - because they were better off than most. I will call her 'Aunty Flash'


Despite their lifestyle differences, these two were great friends. However, we (those around them) often felt that Aunty Basic was too much of a follow-follow (follower) because she was always running around Aunty Flash. I think there was an element of hero-worship on Aunty Basic's part.

Indeed, Aunty Basic was always comparing her home, her kids, her family ...................everything to Aunty Flash's. Whenever, Aunty Flash travelled abroad, she was always going on and on about how she hadn't travelled abroad. When Aunty Flash told her friend that her two eldest kids were going to the US to complete their education, Aunty Basic went on and on about this - despite the fact that her own kids were doing well in school.


Aunty Basic's kids did not like that their mother was always going to Aunty Flash to report whenever they misbehaved. Their mum said it was because she wanted Aunty Flash to advice them. Despite this Aunty Basic's kids liked their aunt - Aunty Flash's kids also liked Aunty Basic.

As time went by, Aunty Flash moved out of the area and saw each other ocassionally - mostly at church or at social gatherings. Over time, Aunty Basic retired and spent most of her time on church activities. Aunty Flash retired also and spent most of her time travelling between London, Austria and Italy - because she was now buying and selling gold and lace fabrics full time. She also visited her kids in the US a lot.

Two of Aunty Basic's kids also moved abroad - to the UK - and her comparisons took another turn. She was always comparing her daughter's husband to Aunty Flash's son. You see, Aunty Flash's son had built a massive house in Lagos and there was a time he was always in Nigeria for business. Aunty Basic felt her son-in-law was 'slack' (not clever/business minded enough).

Finally, Aunt Basic was invited by her first child to visit her in the UK. When she got over here, she contacted some old friends who had moved over here a long time ago. They met up and Aunty Flash's name came up...................Well, my brother and sisters, her friends told her:

- All the time Aunty Flash was coming to the UK to do 'business', she was also doing part-time cleaning jobs;
- Aunty Flash's first two sons are ex-convicts (they have been to jail for fraud at different times);
- Aunty Flash's only daughter is divorced with two children (her marriage ended on a very messy note with her at fault - let's just say she and her hubby had 'trust' issues). 
- Aunty Flash's last son is a well know fraudster in the area he is residing
- None of Aunty Flash's kids graduated from their UK and US based universities. They all dropped out of school. (Meanwhile, all Aunty Basic's kids are professionals)
- Finally, Aunty Flash's hubby has set up home with another woman in the northern part of Nigeria


Needless to say, upon hearing all these, Aunty Basic was ashamed that all those years she had been disparaging her home, kids, hubby to Aunty Flash..............her 'friend' had kept so many secrets. 


Summary - According to her daughter, Aunty Basic bitterly regrets all the years she compared her children to Aunty Flash's kids. The relationship between Aunty Basic and her kids is not wonderful - basically because they feel too much of their childhood was all about 'not measuring up to others'


My lesson learnt - Comparisons are dangerous. If you keep on measuring what you have against others, you will never be satisfied with what you have.

Again, NEVER disparage your kids, home, family or spouse to outsiders. My people say 'Monkey no fine but im mama like am' (the monkey might be ugly, but it is still loved by its mother).


Indeed, Your Super-hero today might turn out to be a Super-zero tomorrow.


Have a blessed week everyone
xxxxxxxxxx

Super-Heroes OR Super-Zeroes (1)

First off ...Hello my brethren. Area hail oh! For the Oyinbo out there - Hope all is well? LOL

Long story short, I need to share a couple of lessons learnt with you. I know I should be wise by now - but my brothers and sisters, na every day my eye dey open more (I learn every day).

My lesson learnt these past few weeks is that 'WE SHOULD CHOOSE OUR HEROES CAREFULLY'

I hereby share how this lesson hit me like a ton of bricks (Believe me, these are real - whenever you see my hubby, ask him) ! 

Example 1:

 My very good friend has a couple she has always admired. 

This couple - I shall call them Mr and Mrs Miracle - have been childless for over 14 years of marriage. However, the man remained very loving and supportive towards the woman. While the woman insisted that they go for IVF or adopt, the man insisted that he was not ready to pursue IVF or adopt - he was ready to 'wait on the Lord'. My friend always used the couple as an example of rare love among Nigerian couples. 

Anyway, in 2009, the woman fell pregnant. Praise God abi?.............Humph! Long story short is that she had a beautiful girl and they celebrated like it was the second coming of Christ. Aso-ebi, goat meat, owambe, gold, platinum, rice, amala, Chinese buffet etc etc. Nothing was too much.

Early this year, the child fell ill and they had to do several diagnostic blood tests...............I bet you can see where this is going....Well, you are right. The doctor called them both to one side and told them that the child was not the man's...................and also not the woman's !  He then asked if the child was adopted. Humph. My reliable 'informant' told me that Mr Miracle fainted at this point.

Where did the child come from? Mrs Miracle later confessed that desperation made her secretly pursue IVF. She paid privately to have IVF treatment (where donated egg and sperm are fertilised and implanted back in the womb) Story don start (the story begins) !

Following this confession, Mr Miracle insisted they get a divorce. It was then Mrs Miracle got her friends and family to plead with her husband.. He still refused. When she approached one of her friends to go and plead with her hubby, the friend refused. Mrs Miracle asked why - and the friend then told her that most people knew that Mr Miracle had a 7 year old son with another lady in London. When Mrs miracle confronted Mr Miracle, he didnt deny -  he re-affirmed that he was ready to divorce because as he put it 'His real family needs him.' Story don finish (End of story) !

Summary - They are both getting a divorce and they are now fighting over their shared assets. Mrs Miracle is now mad because the bulk of the assets was built up by her (she always earned more). My friend is in shock - because she always used to tell her husband that Mr Miracle should be his role model.


My lesson learnt - You can NEVER know what goes on behind closed doors so never envy another couple.....Always aim to make your home your heaven/ castle. My people say - Na who wear shoe na im know where dey pain am (Only the wearer knows where the shoe pinches)

I think I have written too much....................I will leave Example 2 till Sunday

Stay blessed
xxxxxxxxxx

Images from: http://www.fotosearch.com/

The Rabble Speaks

It is no news now that parts of England are/were on fire. 

This situation brings back memories to me:

In 1990, the Nigerian Military Government decided to accept a World Bank/ IMF loan.                                                            This loan came with the condition that the government implement Structural Adjustment Policies (SAPs).                                                               These SAPs required Nigeria to do the following:

-          Devalue the Naira against the Dollar;

-          Lift import and export restrictions;

-          Balance the budget and not overspend;

-          and remove price controls and state subsidies

In a country with more accountability, this could have been bearable. 

However, most students were incensed because we knew that corruption, economic mis-management and an absence of accountability had put Nigeria – Africa’s primary oil producer – in this position. The general feeling was that these austerity measures would mean - as always - ‘poor man go suffer but big man go chop big time’ (the poor would suffer, while the rich would continue to prosper)

University students all over Nigeria took to the streets to protest. Aged 19 and in my third year at Uniben, I was one of them. We felt anger towards a government that didn’t seem to care about us; that wasn’t paying our parent’s  their salaries and pensions; that was doubling fuel prices and refusing to upgrade campus facilities.

Indeed, why should the government even care...when most of their children were schooling abroad.

I am proud to say that I was part of that Student Protest because that was my only way I could express myself – as a young student from an average, struggling home...who was growing up under a military regime. However, I never looted because my upbringing would not let me – deep down I was a ‘well-brought-up girl’.

Unfortunately, what started as a peaceful student protest degenerated into looting and stealing. Unfortunately, others who were not so ‘well-brought up’ destroyed and looted. Just like in the London riots.

Lives were lost, people were injured, looters destroyed businesses and a lot of students were suspended/ expelled.

I do not endorse or support what is going on in London at the moment BUT like my father always said ‘If two friends never quarrel, one is cheating the other’. Yes, the protests have gotten out of control, but I believe they are a manifestation of underlying issues.

In a year where the UK has seen numerous people lose their jobs; families lose their homes due to missed mortgage payments; children suffer in homes where finances have dwindled to nothing; small businesses close because banks have cut off their overdraft; youth and community centres shut due to austerity measures...........................We have also seen two Royal weddings; Banks post substantial profits and the decision to treble university fees from 2012.

Rioters are always likely to hijack peaceful protest AND Some people are always intent on committing crime.

Unfortunately, time and time again, governments ignore the gentle voices of protesters until their voices are taken over by the roar of the rabble. 

All this might have been avoided if the Police had been more diplomatic in the way they handled the family of the man who was shot. Who knows.............

Unemployment;........ Racial tensions;....... Bad Parenting;........ Social Inequality;......... Bad Policing;.............whatever fuelled this, I only hope that the underlying issues are not ignored. If they are, history tells us they will come back to haunt us.

The brave lady in the video below made a passionate speech in the midst of looters...I believe she speaks for most Black mothers:

Mama Peace vs Papa Peace (Part 2)

NOTE:

I wrote the first part of this poem - the wife's side - sometime ago. Read here.

This second part is a response from the man...................................................

I no blame you

See your mouth like mumu.

You no know how I be

Before you agree marry me?

Abegi, I happy to go ! 

My belle dey sweet

Because your wahala be like meat;

Wey don spoil sotay....

People dey smell am from far far away.

Abegi, I happy to go !

You sabi sleep church

But your tafia tooo much.

You even be church leader

But your ashewo no get meter.

Abegi, I happy to go !

Yes, I carry your sister

But you follow my brother.

Yes, I follow Dora

But you kele Pastor.

Abegi, I happy to go !

I even thank God

Say na only Peace be my blood.

The other four go surely go prison

So wetin be my own ?

Yeye woman, I don dey go !

mumu = fool

Abegi = Please (sarcastically)

belle = tummy

wahala = trouble

sotay = so much, so badly

tafia = being nosy, gossiping

ashewo = prostitute

kele = to sleep/ have sex with

wetin = what

yeye = useless

English Version:

I really cannot stand you

With your mouth like a shrew.

You knew what I was

Before you latched onto me with your claws.

Puhleasse..I am glad to go ! 

My mood has now turned sweet

Because your attitude stinks like meat

That has become so putrid

Its smell travels far far afield.

Puhleasse..I am glad to go ! 

You are always the last to leave church

Yet you gossip so much.

In church you are a cornerstone

Yet your promiscuity is well known.

Puhleasse..I am glad to go !

Yes, I slept with your sister

But you ravished my brother.

Yes, I cheated with Dora

But you seduced the Pastor.

Puhleasse..I am glad to go !

I even thank God

That only Peace is truly my  blood.

The other four are surely prison-bound

So why should I hang around? 

Puhleasse..I am glad to go !

Follow Follow

Some tings dey tire me oh.............................Somethings really make me throw my hands up in the air and just say - 'I GIVE UP !'

One such thing is some people's ability to follow EVERY trend - without putting two brain cells together to ask themselves whether the trend even makes sense. Here are few examples of 'Follow Follow' that have left me in a state of wonderment.

(1) STUPID TATTOOS / TATTOOS ON VERY DARK SKIN

Rapper Gucci Mane (www.dailymail.co.uk)

My people what's the point? I have noticed some Naija people with very dark complexions getting tattoos that no-one can ever notice.......and the tattos end up looking like keloids. 

Some of them say they love tattoos because they are addicted to pain. My brothers and sisters if you desire pain.......one week in Kirikiri prison should help.

More surprising, I have seen Naija peeps with tattoos in a foreign language they don't even understand...... I kid you not.  For example, I was at a party in London one day, when I noticed a tattoo on one cute Naija babe's back. On closer inspection, I noticed the tattoo was in a language I couldn't read. 

Me: "What does that say dear?"

Girl (looking smug): "Oh my tat? It says 'God loves me - in Hindi"

Me: mmm (biting my tongue so as not to say something sarcastic)

My people, in Hindi oh!............................ Yoruba dey there, Ibo dey there, Hausa nko? Bini biko....even Pidgin sef !!! FOLLOW FOLLOW !

(2) LEGGINGS AS TROUSERS

Source: blogs.sundaymercury.net

Since leggings came back into fashion, the things my eyes have seen.....my mouth cannot even utter. I love, love fashion and I see it as a good way to express oneself. But.....there are limits oh!

Everytime I go out, I see all sorts of shapes and sizes in leggings - worn as trousers. If the person wearing it is a very young girl with a petite shape, the sight is a bit bearable. 

However, I keep on seeing some of my African sisters with heavy ikebe (backside) parading London in leggings they wear as trousers. I pity the poor leggings because I feel they must be begging for mercy - as they have stretched so much, lycra, cotton and nylon must don separate. (The lycra, cotton and nylon components must have gone their separate ways)

PS - I dont even want to get started on how many camel toes and cellulite puddings I have been accosted with.  Please oh...........FASHION TREND + FOLLOW FOLLOW = EYE SORE !!!!

(3) NAIJA CELEBS POUTING

Source: www.fotosearch.com

*pouting = To push one's lips or one's bottom lip forward as an expression of petulant annoyance or in order to make oneself look attractive**

Whenever I look at pics of 'Naija celebrities' -especially Nollywood actresses; I have noticed that quite a lot of them seem to pout whenever they pose for pictures. I really do not understand this trend.

A lot of caucasians pout (to make their lips appear bigger) because their lips are usually thinner than those of Africans..........HOWEVER, my brothers and sisters, you all know that we (Africans) are not lacking in that department. LOL

So please tell me why oh why, our so-called celebs have to copy this also. Abeg, una 'facial kpomo' dey sufficient.....................no need for enhancement oh !!! 

Even sef, how many Naija men dey look girl lips as the most attractive feature for im bodi ? Most men I know dey focus on the girl Face, Nkiru or her Azuka !! LOL

(Translation: How many Nigerian men actually fall for a girl because of her lips? Most men are initially attracted by a girl's face, boobs or backside !!)

(4) PUBLIC DISPLAY of AGBAYAISM

Just like the ladies who wear leggings as trousers; I cannot understand why a grown man will want to show his underwear in public.

This trend is bad enough on teenagers .......but when I see it on a grown man; I conclude the person must be an Agbaya (old fool).  The only time a man should display his underwear in public is when he is about to swim OR he is being paid to model them. Finito 

Honestly, whenever I see an adult with sagging jeans and boxers on show in public; all I can think about is solied nappies/ diaper.

This is one of those trends that separates those WITH and WITHOUT common sense. Call me old fashioned, but this trend is gross !

(5) EYELASHES AS BROOMS

Source: http://izismile.com/

Long eyelashes can make a woman look even more beautiful so I totally understand the current trend of having false eyelashes fixed.

However, some of these eyelashes can only be called 'Health and Safety' hazards'.  How do you know you have fixed a hazard on your eyes?.....: 

- If your lashes are long enough to braid......you are in trouble. 

- If they hamper your vision, ditto;

- If the whole day seems like 24 hours nightime.................you have to advice yourself seriously.

My people ........................I no fit shout. According to my people:........... FLY WEY NO DEY HEAR WORD, GO FOLLOW DEAD BODY ENTER GRAVE (The fly that refuses to heed advice will end up in a grave with a corpse)

This post reminded me of a lovely video I saw last year: 'Follow Follow' by Nigerian musician 'Gaise'. A lot of what he says makes real sense. Watch and enjoy: 

Recognising your own Worth

Quite a few blogs I have read recently have been talking about marriage. Most female bloggers seem to be complaining about a lack of suitors.....and the male bloggers seem to be lamenting that the women they meet lack that ‘something special’

This has got me thinking a bit......and my thoughts keep dwelling on what I feel quite a lot of single girls (I have come across) seem to lack. While I know this post might get a few ladies angry with me. However, I am determined to say my piece because....if I had a daughter, this is a conversation I would have with her.

Before I begin, I have to say that marriage is not for everyone......However, quite a lot people still believe it is............So, here goes:

My observation is that a lot of girls I have met/ spoken to/ watched grow up do not seem to know their worth.

By that, I mean they do not appreciate that a good wife is an asset to a man........ and it is the men that should be desperate to get their hands on a good wife. Don't get me wrong, I do realise that men generally do not realise this. However, more often than not, the people around them (mothers, dads, sisters etc) are very good at pointing good wife material out to them.

A tale about my good friend will explain further:
My friend was in a bad marriage. Most people thought she should have stayed with her husband - especially as they had three kids together; but she knew she was worth so much more. So, she took a decision to leave her husband. Well, three years later, she met a man who loved her and her kids. Long story short, they got married and she had twins............!!!!

Source: http://www.fotosearch.com/

She is not by any means my only friend who has been 'snapped up' .....even after being married and having kids.........In fact I have three friends who are in the same boat. When I look at them....I can see that they share similar personalities: They are all happy, cheerful women who don't let life get them down. These ladies knew their worth...and project it. These women are real DIAMONDS - rare and valuable.

Most men I know don't like stress at all. They want an easy life....and if they feel a woman will facilitate this easy life, they will go after her. To be clear, I am not saying that a woman should be subservient to a man. However, from experience; a woman who realises she is a diamond....and would be an invaluable addition to a man's life.....is more often than not 'snapped up' without any delay.

People always say 'Women are always desperately trying to snare good men'....To be honest, women need to know that a lot of men are desperately seeking good women:

My definition of a good woman (in relation to marriage/ romantic relationships):
- A good woman knows how to manage a home for £10 or for £100;
- A good woman knows how to feed 10 or 100 people with the little she has;
- A good woman makes sure the kids eat even when the cupboards are bare;
- A good woman know when/ how to cover her husband/partner's inadequacies from other family members;
- A good woman knows what to say or do when her husband/partner is down;
- A good woman knows how to make her home an oasis of peace from the big, bad world.

So, if I had a daughter, my message to her would be 'Know your worth, Project it ........and Believe it. If you believe you are a valuable asset, others will too. Like I said before, marriage is not for everyone. However, girls really need to get over this idea that a man is doing them a favour - by marrying them. To be honest, IF you are a diamond....you are doing him a favour !


PS:
................ I asked my good friend - whose experience I used here - to read this post. She's quite reserved, but this was her reply (in an email) :

........'Read ur blog. Lol. A precious gem who knows her worth!!! Moi. 

        Was a good read and oh, so true. Women these days are desperate to be 'Mrs', they are taking absolute rubbish from men who dont and can't even hold a candle to them. Pschewww!'