Wednesday, 19 September 2012

Ramblings, Questions and Thoughts

Hope all of you are well ?? I see a few nodding, a couple shaking their heads and a handful looking undecided. LOL

Anyway dearies, I had a post ready but I had to come back with a few randoms. Please bear with me:

(1) A Diet Too Far
Disclaimer: This is not aimed at those among us who are temporarily taking steps to lose weight but it is aimed at women who are healthy but go on and on about losing weight.

We all watch what we eat from time to time but I do get bored when conversations with some women centres around losing weight ALL THE TIME.

Come on sisters, a cure for cancer is still pending; Boko Haram is still running riot and there are soo many current affairs' issues we should be trashing out. I respect the fact that we all need to watch our weight but it does get boring if that is all we talk about.

Has anyone ever gone to a funeral, looked at a skinny corpse - lying in  a coffin - and exclaimed 'My, my, my...that girl is looking good. She is so slim. I need to look like her'  ????? I GUESS NOT. Life is for the living. Eat sensibly, move around more and monitor your health. That should suffice.

(2) Outsourcing Parenting
More and more parents are sending their children here to study in British secondary schools and universities. I have no problem with this but it really amazes me when people choose to bring their children over to stay with relatives who they then assume will be responsible for their child's upbringing.
Wrong, wrong, wrong !! It is so unfair. 

The average Nigerian-British family home has two parents juggling work, kids, homework, tight finances and tight living spaces (FYI - our homes are not as big as what you have back in Naija). In the midst of all this juggling - and trying to keep the romance alive - a teenager is dumped on the couple by parents who are more concerned about the status a 'child studying abroad' brings to them. 

I have seen instances where such 'outsourced teenagers' does not even help in the houisehold, becomes a disruptive force and creates tension among the couple. Worse still, I have seen a situation where one of these 'outsourced' kids stole her hosts' jewellery and sold it. The reason - she was broke and had to maintain her 'aristo' lifestyle. When the issue was reported to her parents - they did not show any surprise because - apparently - she was known to be a thief in Nigeria. How can parents outsource their deviant child to an unsuspecting relative? JUST WRONG !!! 

(3) Put Down The Cloak
Women are wonderful creatures and my African sisters are amazing. It is normal to see one woman doing all these:
- Running a home
- Working Full Time
- Helping The Kids with Their Homework
- Arranging all the kid's parties and socialising
- Volunteering in Church
- Caring for her siblings
- Caring for elderly parents etc etc

All commendable, all wonderful BUT ..........we are not superhumans. Even the strongest tree can bend if the right amount of pressure is applied. I talk to a lot of women and quite a lot are one step away from breaking point. This is not healthy.

Since we are all destined to grow old and die, is it not a shame if our youth is festooned with worry, commitments and drudgery. My advice is that  no matter how many commitments you have, please find time, put down the cloak - at least once a month - to do something for you. You deserve it !!!! There is no Academy award or Nobel prize for sufferhead. 

(4) A Bad Smell can never be Hidden
Okay, I was at a party with hubby and we had been dancing for some time. We felt a bit hot, so we stepped out for fresh air. As I'm standing outside talking to hubby some Naija girls walk in between us without even saying 'Excuse me'.

I was a bit peeved but I let it slide. However, the same girls walked past us and brushed past me roughly. I begin to get angry...until hubby says to ignore them as they seem to be 'craving attention'. 

This scenario might sound familiar to some of you because I have since noticed that some of our Naija girls just lack social graces. Similarly, quite a few of our boys over here go around shouting into mobile phones - about one business deal or the other; ogling every female and looking for shortcuts to everything.

Walking around in fake Louboutin; tossing around 60'' Brazillian and squeezing into undersized lycra mini dresses does not make a cow a lady.

 Similarly, shouting into mobile phones, adorned in designer clothes and Ray bans does not make a village idiot a business tycoon.  

Whether we like it or not, when outside one's home ......we should try to conduct ourselves in a way that will make whoever raised us - proud.

(5) Reclaiming The African Child 
I really dont understand why - over here - MOST adverts for international charities have to feature a starving African child. It seems as if they feel that is the way to make people feel like giving. I also wonder why people who are raising funds for an African based charitable cause say 'They are raising money for AFRICA !!

OMG ! OMG !! 'Raisi'ng money for Africa?' Is it too much to ask 'Where in Africa?'......'What project?' .........'For how long..?'

I am not saying Africa doesnt have issues BUT not all African children are suffering, starving or disadvantaged. FYI, child poverty is a huge issue here. If you doubt me, please see here OR here OR here OR even here.

Know yourself no be curse.

See you all very soon
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

64 comments:

  1. ahahahahaa...never fail to deliver as always sistah!
    so where do i start my longgg comment from?
    hmmm...oh yes! Diet....the media is responsible for this frenzy talks...i have learnt not to listen to such talks , or simply nod my head when i can't escape it but in my mind is like:, 'abeg no be today, make dem leaf mata o jare' Moderation is the key.
    The 'outsourced student'..hmm! whenever i talk about not liking visitors\guest, some think i am selfish and intolerant. Such visits always end up in a sore note! My BIL do tell me the real situation in Uk. Nigerians there are struggling to make ends meet! Every pound counts! Then imagine bringing more brukata!.abeggyyy!
    Now, the super-mum...no woman can do all without something suffering, or giving way. The truth is that some of the stress will rub off on the family. Yes, she is expected to have her 'ME' time, if she can get someone to look after the kids for a while, if she no get, then nathing for her o.
    Oh ok now! you went boogie with yours chei? *thumbs up* It is rude to walk in btw people standing together, either go round or say excuse to be allowed to pass. And the loud talking on mobiles..urrghh...*cringes* if only they know how irritating that is! Want to talk business, then go to a private corner and do it! *duh!*
    Raising fund for africa...hmmmm...all nah business nah shebi? How else people go chop...they have to sell a sob story so as to convince the philanthropists to drop money.

    Phew! i have written a 'post abi blog entry for comment box, and i hope with these 'few' words of mine, i am able to convince you that i gbadun your post :D

    ReplyDelete
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    1. LOL @ 'with the few words of mine'.....I can see you did some debating before. LOL

      RE: Not being receptive to guests...I dont blame you. Women usually manage the feeding budget soi we know where it hurts.

      As usual, thanks my sistah. You three much
      xxx

      Delete
  2. "There is no Academy award or Nobel prize for sufferhead."

    I need to hear more of that. I don't know why I can't seem to be able to learn this lesson.

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    1. Please try and remember that lesson my sistah. Hope all is well with you
      xxxxx

      Delete
  3. Hen, hen, as for that one about the African child... We need to keep condemning this mentality of the Western "saviour" coming to save the African child victim from the savages in Africa.

    Just yesterday, we were discussing this issue at a research meeting. Some folks in the institution were going around soliciting support with photos of two starving African children. They had to be reported to the Dean and told to stop the nonsense. There are many hungry children here. Let them go and use their photos.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. *hissssssssssssss* re 'photos of starving African children'
      I think it is time we have pictures of starving European children to launch our own appeal fund.
      Thanks for commenting
      xxxxx

      Delete
  4. The starving African child is a pet peeve of mine, /lawdy. Its caled poverty porn. I keep waiting for some African leader to take the mantle and say enough is enugh. you dont gave to dehumanise these kids because you want to move people to give money.
    I rememebr some month sback, this small kid in church came over to me and said ' are you from Africa'. I didnt have energy to engage him in convo so I said 'Yes' and next thing from his tiny pink lips was (innocent eyes open wide) 'They are hungry in Africa arent they?'. God bless his mommy for being around and hushing him and taking him away from my side cos I for twist his lips just a little.

    Parents outsourcing a deviant kid be it abroad or even locally is sooo wrong. And some have the effontery to pretend they didn't know their child has issues..smh.

    Diet discussion - between gossip and diet, it beats me that some women cannot sustain an intelligent conversation

    ReplyDelete
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    1. So right Ginger! LOL at not being able to sustain an intelligent conversation. No be small thingz! I have a friend whose constant conversation is about one new form of weight loss program or the other or how i have reduced or not. How i need to reduce to a size 8 to get a husband. Infact i dey tire! As soon as i see her, my mind dey cut...LOL

      Delete
    2. LOL @ 'poverty porn' Too true.
      I feel you re: diet discussion. I tire
      Hope you are well
      xxxxxxxxxxxx

      Delete
  5. I particularly liked the points you made about outsourcing parenting. I'm against outsourcing parenting in any form be it to a boarding school, abroad, or sending a child back to Africa. If you have a child, it is your responsibility to raise that child. Don't transfer that duty to anyone. When it comes to outsourcing the parenting abroad, most of the stories I've heard don't have encouraging endings. It's either the child developed behavioral problems, started hanging with the wrong crowd, or caused tension between the families.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. That outsourcing gets me really angry.............and the parents will expect the child to bond with them
      *sigh*
      The matter tire me
      Hope all is well
      xxxxxxxxxxxx

      Delete
  6. All you've said is so true. Especially the 2nd point; it sounds like you know EXACTLY what I'd been going through with the one they dumped in London. LOL And if the person doesn't agree to keep their child, you start to look like a bad person when it's just that you cannot cope with them.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. I totally agree re: 'if the person doesn't agree to keep their child, you start to look like a bad person when it's just that you cannot cope with them'
      Me I no send again oh............One can never satisfy everybody.
      Stay blessed
      xxxxxxxxxxx

      Delete
  7. My heart is gladdened anytime you update your blog and that is because you never fail to deliver, your posts are always on point, thanks for all the wonderful posts...

    okay! here we go... I am a victim of that #1, I dont even know why I over worry myself with slimming, not too much though, just a little bit. the #2 is annoying and parents who do that should know its not fair at all.
    Thanks for the reminder on the #3, sometimes we get so engrossed with things that, we tend to forget we are but humans.

    Your #4 and 5 are so frustrating especially #5. Have an awesome week and hope you update again soon. :-)

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Thanks so much Priscy. You have made me feel so special
      God bless you
      xxxx

      Delete
  8. I always like your posts and your way of thinking. It gives a lot of insights and you're usually completely right. It's refreshing to read.
    And about your last point: the skinny african child does give people in general the idea that afrika still needs a lot of help... but you are right... I don't give to such general causes... I help plan with a specific project, so that I know where my money goes to. Here is the uk version of it: http://www.plan-uk.org/

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Thanks so much Smiley
      My friend actually works for Plan UK and I know they do good work regarding women issues.
      Take care
      xxxx

      Delete
  9. I'm not sure which one I agree with more... the outsourcing parents or the fakeness of the people.

    It seems y'all have the same problems with Nigerians in London that Nigerians in Houston have... too much show off, of what the person gan sef does not have so what are you showing?

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Some Nigerians in UK, US, Australia etc etc have a tendency to show off. I really dont know why....it might be a way for them to feel good about themselves *sigh*

      Thanks my sister
      xxxxxxxxxxx

      Delete
  10. Your means of explaining the whole thing in this piece of writing is actually good, all
    be capable of simply understand it, Thanks a lot.
    Also visit my web-site ; diets that work fast for women

    ReplyDelete
  11. Another great post!!! Outsourcing parents? Are you for real? People are truly selfish.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Yes oh..........outsourcing...From and To Nigeria is a big issue and I dont think it will change anytime soon
      Hope all is well dear
      xxxxxxxx

      Delete
  12. you are always soo on point....

    ReplyDelete
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    1. And you are always a pleasure to read
      Hope all is well with you
      xxxxxxxx

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  13. I love love love the last point. Africa kooo, Afika niii.

    ReplyDelete
  14. The women and diet issue is so true though this post just made me conscious of it. Thanks to the media and beauty magazines that have portrayed the 'slim figure 8' as the defacto standard, forgetting that even guys have their preferences.

    As for the outsourcing, I guess sometimes it's hard to reject such a teen due to family ties and all but at some point we might just need to step on toes to set things straight.

    Manners cannot be overemphasized.
    Insightful post NIL.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Re: outsourcing.............believe me when I say I am ready to say no to anything/ anyone taht will make my home a battlefield. Life is to short to ignore those who matter. *sigh*
      Hope all is well with you
      xxxxxxxxxxx

      Delete
  15. I am sooo guilty of point number 1, I need to repent. As for those girls, its either they are craving for attention like your husband said or they don't just have manners. I can imagine how angry you were.

    Great post!

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Repent! Repent!! LOL

      Thanks dear. Hope all is well
      xxxxxxxxx

      Delete
  16. #1: I cover my face in shame, lol!
    #3: God bless you for that. We're indeed superwomen but not super humans! We all deserve a break and you're rolling in dough if God blesses you with a man who constantly tells you how appreciated you are!
    #4: Chei, I hear you on this one. I was getting ready to go "ewwwwww who mess?" but I guess this smell is even worse than fart. Add Brazilian hair to the mix and we've got a scary concoction *shakes head*
    But good observation skills! :)

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    1. LOL @'Add Brazilian hair to the mix and we've got a scary concoction'
      That made me laugh..............
      xxxxxx

      Delete
  17. hiiiii...
    its been a while since i have been here
    your post is not random at all
    straight to the point
    i hate the whole Africa is starving charity adverts.. no offence but i have to change the channel
    and women do need to rest, my mother is always away so i am always taking care of my 3younger brothers plus uni plus work, sometimes i just want to shoot somebody lol xx

    Diary Of A Shallow Black Girl

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Awww poor you re 'taking care if your brothers'
      Pls take care of yourself and rest from time to time
      Stay blessed
      xxxxxxxxxxxxx

      Delete
  18. As always, you've nailed it. The way they refer to Africa like one big country annoys me jor.

    Outsourcing is just wrong. Biko, train your child yourself.

    @Atoskin, you wana loose weight??? What weight again?

    ReplyDelete
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    1. No mind Atoskin
      These women sef LOL

      How r u dearie?
      xxxxxxxxxx

      Delete
  19. You never put a wrong word down. Too on point. I would have been one of those children dumped on a relative and thinking of it now I can imagine how much inconvenience that would have caused cos the couple just had a child then and anything they'd have done to me would have seemed like I was being maltreated. Many people don't understand that.

    Weight loss is weight loss is weight loss. It would never get old plus when in a gathering of females unsure of what to say weight loss can be an ice breaker. Start by commending the hopefully slimmer person and take it from there. Lol.

    Africa my Africa, hehehe. We need to keep correcting people I guess. You'd be surprised at th level of ignorance in the West. A whole Tyler Perry (I've forgiven him by the way) in his movie... Umm... Can't remember the name now, Ginger talked about it a while ago. Anyway at the end he said he bought 2 tickets to Africa and the lady could join him if she wanted to come along. I paused that scene o and stared hard at that ticket. ABUJA was written on it. Couldn't he have said he was going to Nigeria?

    As for our lads and lasses with Ill manners...

    ReplyDelete
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    1. God bless you for your kind words

      Your comments are incisive - as always

      I particularly liked what you said about weight loss being a conversation opener. I never even thought of that before. You are absolutely right.

      Re: Tyler Perry...No words. Na coconut tree wey fall na im make goat fit climb am *sigh*

      God bless

      Delete
  20. wow!!!>..this is beautiful!!
    a beautiful post, so outlined and spelt so well fr our understanding...see me digesting ur truthful facts..lol
    yea...it can be so annoyin wen africa is seen as a symbol or rather a souvenir for suffering and starving ppl and then anywhr a kwashiokor child is shown..d mentality is 'na africa'
    LOL.@cows with clothes doesnt mk them ladies and @
    You deserve it !!!! There is no Academy award or Nobel prize for sufferhead

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Thanks for the lovely words
      Yes oh re: 'cows' LOL

      Hope all is well with you
      xxxxxxxxx

      Delete
  21. 1) Too much slimming was allegedly resposible for the ailment of a popular actress. Some people kept on saying that she was too fat and had a failed marriage without a kid. I just hope she gets well soon after foreign hospital operation.

    2) Outsourcing your kids is bad. Last December, a father sent his children to spend Xmas in London with their relative who was struggling with her partner. The couple claimed that the boy was a wizard and battered him to death.

    The father of the late boy was not content living in Paris with his children. The poor boy phoned his father for help, but if the father had phoned the police of both countries the boy may have escaped being 'drowned' in a bath etc. A lot of Africans in Paris want to move to London at all costs.

    Some parents in Africa also want their kids to live with relatives in Europe without considering the fact that life is very hard in Europe too. Europe is in a recession at the moment. Can't they understand that?

    4) Shey na only brush-pass dem do you? What of area bullying in London, my sista? These 'village goats' in human skins are making life unbearable for a lot of Africans in Britain. It is vey easy to identify people from bad homes. They lack moral education. It is better to train your children otherwise they could become a problem to every neighbourhood they live in.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Re 'slimming and the actress'..........Na wa oh

      Re: The father who sent his son to London for Xmas....What was the rationale especially considering how cold it is at that time. God deliver us from careless parents oh.

      LOL @ 'These 'village goats' in human skins are making life unbearable for a lot of Africans in Britain' You are too too funny. I don laugh tire. Na so we see am oh

      London na leveller. LOL
      xxxxxxxxx

      Delete
  22. I am sick and tired of all the raising money for Africa campaign,but then again.

    Post on point as always.

    ReplyDelete
  23. "There is no Academy award or Nobel prize for sufferhead". I need to drop this line for my boss.
    I love your post.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Thanks for dropping by
      I visited your blog and loved the post
      Take care dearie

      Delete
  24. I agree with you on all the issues in this post. More also, I so much agree with you on Outsourcing Parenting. I have always had this at the back of my mind; that when I grow up and have my kids, no matter what happens, I will never make them grow up in other people's homes. Believe me, I know the harms such outsourcing of parenting can do.

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    1. Totally agree re 'when I grow up and have my kids, no matter what happens, I will never make them grow up in other people's homes'
      That is a very good decision
      God bless you. How are you sha? Hope well
      xxxxxxxxxxx

      Delete
  25. Lol at no on admiring a skinny corpse, how true! I also cannot understand why hungry african children have to be the face of charities. Really enjoyed reading.

    New to the blogging world, do stop by my space.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Thanks for dropping by
      I'm visiting your blog
      xxxxxxxxxxxxx

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  26. It's always refreshing reading your blog. Your posts are just informative, frank and you talk correct!
    Best Parenting Blog 2012 should go to you again.
    Good work!....again... :)

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    1. Awwwwwwwwww....so so kind
      Thanks for always dropping by
      Hope all is well with you
      xxxxxxxxxx

      Delete
  27. I came late to the party and it seems every seat is taken. Well spoken all :)

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    1. Thanks Myne
      Hope all is well with you
      xxxxxxxxxxx

      Delete
  28. I agree with EVERYTHING especially the outsourcing bit. Ah-ahn! People are just mad. In this my small flat? Haba. Please take your child. I work from home so I can care for MY child, you thin I want to care for yours too? Na jazz?

    ReplyDelete
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    1. LOL @ 'na jazz?'
      I feel you my sister
      Thanks for dropping by
      xxxxxxxxxxxx

      Delete
  29. You're always on point. I'll comment on number four specifically though. You're right about people acting in a way that should make those that raise them proud but unfortunately a lot of people do not actually care. I used to drink this issue as panadol until i realised that some people are just not interested in changing...

    ReplyDelete
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    1. mmm *nodding* re 'realised that some people are just not interested in changing'
      I guess I have to accept that
      Thanks dearie
      Hope all is well
      xxxxxxxxxxx

      Delete
  30. Always look forward to reading your post. Outsourcing children- some folks have been using style style to tell me that when their children reach secondary school age, they will put them in boarding here and they can come and holiday at mine, they will recieve a shocker when the time comes!
    African child- I just change the channel,aba, na only Africa get hungry children? enough is enough jor!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks my sister
      Re 'style style' mba.....better nip that style style quick quick....even if it's a joke....LOL

      LOL re ' change channel' I dont blame you my sister
      How are you sha
      xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

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  31. This is a great post and everything you touched on is so on-point! Great Blog you have.

    www.lagosmums.com

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Thanks for dropping by
      I've popped you on my blog roll so I'll be visiting you
      xxxxxxxxx

      Delete
  32. Where is the like button when you need one?

    ReplyDelete
  33. Just discovered your blog whilst scrolling through the awards list..I like your Musings so far.Stay blessed.

    ReplyDelete

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