Tuesday, 15 February 2011

The Day After

A friend called me today and lamented that no-one took her out or called her yesterday. Aged 34 years old, she feels really down about this.  After speaking with her, I decided to share my thoughts on Valentine's Day:

When I was an undergraduate, I used to dread Valentine's day - because I felt I was under soo much peer pressure for the day to live up to all the hype.

As the success of the day largely depended on the actions of someone else (boyfriend/ admirer); it is safe to say that then, my Valentine's Day experience was largely dependent on the extent to which my admirer/ partner was expressive, loved-up, financially stable and even available!

When I had a laid-back boyfriend - who was not very expressive - the day was a  disaster! However, when I got a boyfriend who was very expressive and lovey-dovey, the day became a special one for me.

Now, I am much older, I do appreciate the day but I do feel it can be a bit overblown. That is why I refuse to go out to a restaurant on that day. On most festive days, I find restaurants a bit too impersonal - with too many diners, too much noise, mass-produced food and decor that tries too hard to be 'romantic' or 'festive'. I often come away feeling like I have been on a conveyor belt. Indeed, the situation is not often helped by the pensive faces and superficial smiles worn by the harrassed waiters!!

Honestly, I rather spend the day at home or in a hotel room - with the one I love, a bottle of good wine, good music in the background, fantastic food etc etc

Yes, yesterday, some of us felt loved, while some of us did not! On the other hand, some of us died yesterday and some of us - like you - survived!

Let everyday be your Valentine day.....LOVE YOURSELF EVERYDAY!


  1. Fantastically said Naijamum :-)

    I went to Sainsbury's yesterday and while making conversation with the checkout assistant, she said, REALLY loudly, 'you mean you're not going out tonight???'

    Now this isn't an issue for me as I'm actually with someone but imagine how bad I'd have felt if I was alone.

    Mr Lashes always says that everyday is his valentines day...you can't compress 365 days of love into 24 hours.

  2. I love love love your last sentence "Let everyday be your Valentine day.....LOVE YOURSELF EVERYDAY!". I wish pple will just learn to appreciate d day as a day to give love, not give "presents".
    o well..........

  3. wow.. that last part got to me!
    i was kinda down yesterday after seeing one too many red, heart-shaped balloons and lovey dovey couples but now.. i dnt even see why i should be upset.
    lovely post.. simple and nice :)

  4. Well said and on point too. But since Love has been so commercialized, when we dont experience the idea of Valentine as posed by the media, we tend to feel unhappy.We should learn to love ourselves no matter what.

    I enjoyed reading this.

  5. Uhmmm.... Thank God I am not one of those that died yesterday. I agree with you that the day has been commercialized and used to make serious money by restaurants and shops. Yesterday, I made sure I left the Island by 5 on the dot and made myself and OH a nice meal when I got home. I don't think I wanted to be locked up on the Island that night.

  6. Wonderful post. You said it all. I also sometimes think Vals day is just one big game of pretend. There are guys who only express their love on vals day. What kind of love is that? Vals day should be everyday.

  7. @Pretty Lashes:
    LOL@ the Sainsbury girl! Oh my, people like that render me speechless.
    Priceless..! Imagine if you were feeling really depressed on the day.

    *Nodding my head frantically*...you can't compress 365 days of love into 24 hours.
    Thanks for that

    Re: Loving yourself everyday....I know!
    I have to admit that this is a real challenge. We (women) are often too hard on ourselves.

    Thankds for dropping by

  8. @kitkat:
    Awwwww re: your being a bit down yesterday.
    One thing I have learnt from the ups and downs of life is that you MUST always put things in perspective.
    Whenever I start feeling sorry for myself, I always try and remember many innocent lives (especially kids) that are lost to crime, hunger, war and preventable diseases every single day.
    Truly, you are blessed.
    Your love story is being drafted by God right now....just believe ...and it will be an epic!!!!
    Thanks for dropping by

    I totally agree that love has been commercialized and those that 'miss out' can feel unhappy - like my friend.
    I was actually angry that she was 'made' to feel this way because one day of the year is supposed to be soo significant (regarding romance)
    However, like everything in life, one must choose to ignore the negative.
    Thanks soo much for sharing

  9. @ ilola said...
    LOL @ you leaving the Island and rushing home!
    I dont blame you my sister.
    I can only imagine the traffic around VI especially.
    Hope you enjoyed your meal!

    *Agree absolutely' re: 'There are guys who only express their love on vals day'. LOLLLL

    Same as girls who complain about their abusive/ cheating/ feckless boyfriends and then they get all excited when the guy buys them a box of chocolates on Val's day!

    My sistah, I tire! Thanks for that.

  10. true talk...well said already!

  11. i felt loved by my mama :) best valentine yet... i guess i just learnt to love the true meaning of the day and not the materiality involved! nice one. x

  12. I totally agree with you. Some of these festivals are just overrated. As a rule, even when im in a relationship, i dont go near eateries and restaurants on such days. there is no fun in driving thru traffic to end up in an environment choked up with all sorts of people and having to shout thru ur meal just to make 'small talk'.

    BTW why did people suddently decide to wear red on Val's day? it was soooooo annoying. Some shades of red were threatening to blind me.

  13. Every single programme on tv was a valentine show. Sponge bob, Dora, Diego... everything and we were on either Nick jnr or Disney... I just wondered as I did the laundry and cooked and slept how I would explain to my children how pointless it all is as they grow up. I guess I'll cross that bridge when I get there. Meanwhile, no one's getting a single red cent of mine celebrating a commercial cash raking day for businesses!

    @ PET lol at "shades of red were threatening to blind me"

  14. Thanks for fixing the verification box :o)

  15. Lol..well said... I did absoulutely nothing Valentining on that day! But I'm aiite.. My life is a life of love!

    But my 1 year old son wore red to daycare on orders from his teacher..Oh well.. talk about juvenile indoctrination!

  16. @justdoyin:
    Thanks sister

    I'm glad you had your mum - that is unconditional love right there! You're lucky!

  17. @Blessing:
    Thanks my sistah. Hope all is well

    @ P.E.T.:
    *nodding my head* re:....in an environment choked up with all sorts of people and having to shout thru ur meal just to make 'small talk'.'
    Yup, been there done that...Totally not nice

    LOL@ Red on val day...must be because red is the colour of passion?????

    Thanks for dropping by

    LOL @ 'Every single programme on tv .........
    Regarding your kids...just tell them they should love everyday and val day is for those who are afraid to express their love on other days!
    Re: verif box....No problems :))))

    LOL @ your little boy wearing red
    As you said - talk about juvenile indoctrination!!!!! LOL

  18. Ha! so right again 9jamum...always tend to speak my mind...i didn't even remember the day o jare! Hubby called in the afternoon to greet me..i then asked how far with my BB nah?....he laughed & said me that i didn't even remember the date & am asking for a BB?..shiio! no be my fault nah! i had better things to think with my head!.. *laughing*...to me all the hullabaloo should stop! TOO MUCH OF EVERYTHING IS BAD.

  19. Totally feel you on the home loving instead of restaurants. When I was younger, Valentine meant zilch for me, it wasn't so big in naija then, and I was a serious babe too - acada, lol.

    Now I dey enjoy am, make I no lie. And for obvious reasons, it's still my anniversary.

  20. Totally get this.
    Like Myne, i hardly cared anything for Valentine.
    But things have changed, a little sha.
    Nice one.


  21. well said..sista, well said..love should be a way of life!!

  22. Thanks for that great perspective jare. My girlfriend said she prepared her husband's fave meal - Bitterleaf soup and poundo. Talk about home loving...

  23. We can't compress 365 days into 1 day but if we can share the love we hype on Valentine's day and shower it on people for 365 days, I believe a greater change will be achieved/

  24. I totally like this post and love the last line.

    Let everyday be your valentine...Love everyday and you shall never find the need to make just a day special.

  25. @Ibhade:
    LOL @ BB...u no dey hear at all!
    I doubt whether the noise about the Val day will stop sha...too many people are making money from the day!
    Thanks my sis

    Re: 'Home Loving'.....mmmm...well, I can tell you had major 'somethings' going on!
    Congrats on your anniversary

    Thank you sistah

  26. @RemiRoy said...
    Hope you enjoyed the day - and after.
    Thanks for dropping by

    Thanks my sista
    You said it all ....'love should be a way of life'!!

    mmmmmm @'Bitterleaf soup and poundo' Those 4 little words have 'I love you' written all over. I'm salivating over here

    @Emeka Amakeze said...
    Too true re: '....if we can share the love we hype on Valentine's day and shower it on people for 365 days, I believe a greater change will be achieved.'
    Well said my brother

    Thanks sistah
    *Nodding* re: 'Love everyday and you shall never find the need to make just a day special'

  27. great post. i too believe that Valentine's Day is a bit overrated. Love is an action word that should be expressed daily!

  28. You would even be surprised when some people tell you that in the Greek mythology Valentine was a woman who loved her neighbour's husband.... *laugh*
    What I just what to say is that we tend to engaged in frivolities than what is necessary; Valentine is just of those days we over-blow celebrations for.

  29. I agree with you, I would rather stay at home or in a hotel room with my loved one than getting myself in all those moving around, filled up restaurants, etc...(in Lagos or PH, there is a chance of getting stuck in hold up :-)).

    And true, we should love ourselves everyday...

  30. Valentine's day bruhaha...your lastline was so right!!!!!! Next year i promised myself not to be soo bothered

  31. I know my comment is ridiculously late but your last sentence was the bomb. Nice blog by the way


  32. @Soul's remedy:
    Loving your comment that 'Love is an action word.....'
    My first reaction to being told 'I love you' has always been - 'Prove it!' *smile*

    @ Strong Self:
    LOL @ Greek mythology!
    Yes, we human beings can overblow everything. I guess we are always looking for any opportunity to celebrate!
    tanx my brother

    @ Rita:
    You cant beat home comforts.
    Even when I stay in a hotel, I always look for one that feels like home (i.e not too big and impersonal + the food is good)
    Thanks for commenting

  33. @ Sisi Yemmie ™ said...
    Okay, you have promised oh!
    By God's grace, I shall ask for an update then. *smile*
    Thanks for dropping by

    @Chizy K:
    Your comment is definitely NOT late because I have been sooo busy that I havent even updated the blog. So, your comment is timely!
    Thanks for the compliment.
    Hope all is well.

  34. I dragged my significant other to a restaurant once on Valentine's Day, but truth be told it was more about me wanting to see if he would do something he does not like (dressing up and going out) just because I like special days and he was trying to keep me happy. Next V-Day, he was pleasantly surprised that I insisted we stay at home and watch a movie curled up in each other with a glass of wine, chicken and lots of kisses. *daydreaming*

    Suffice to say, sometimes I don't blame ladies who make a big deal about Valentine's Day, because believe it or not that's the only chance they get in the year to have their man's attention and get him to spend some cash on a date.

    When you are lucky to be in a relationship where everyday is Valentine's Day, thank your God and enjoy it!


I always look forward to reading comments from visitors - so please leave yours. Many thanks for dropping by....xoxoxox