Monday, 6 December 2010

Your Living Legacy

Before I begin, I have to tell you that God has spared my life several times (medical conditions, accidents etc)

Unfortunately, last year and this year I lost quite a few friends. These friends were young and they were very well liked. Two of them left behind very young children and I still think of one of them regularly because he was a genuinely nice person.

When I lost these friends, the first thought that came to my mind was - Why? However, we all know that that is such a stupid, futile question because I am yet to meet one person who has been able to give me a satisfactory answer. So, I have promised that I will stop asking that question.

This weekend, I was reading through the papers and I got to the obituaries. I usually read the obituaries because I find it interesting that once people die, they seem to become saints. I guess it all has to do with the unwritten belief that it is wrong to speak ill of the dead?! *sad smile*

As I read through the obituaries, I thought - How would those who knew me remember me when God finally calls me up?

I'm not being morbid, but this question can actually be translated to the present: How would people who know me honestly describe me?

We might say we don't care what people think about us and I know you can never please everyone; but I do hold some people dear - some friends and family members especially - so it does matter what they think of me.

I remember when I was leaving a job and someone came up to me and said 'I'll miss you because you are always thoughtful and caring in your contact' - I was moved to tears because this was someone I barely spoke to - and only in an official capacity. Increasingly, it has become more important to me that I leave a good impression with those I care about.

So, while I might think that intelligence, punctuality and being organised are important; the last thing I would want is for my loved ones to describe me as 'intelligent, punctual and organised!' In all honesty, I really would like them to say 'She always made me smile and she made me feel good about myself!'

This realisation has made me decide to take time to cheer up my friends more; to stop and speak to the lonely old people I meet on my way to the shops; to call my parents more often; to make my children laugh more and realise this is the easiest time of their lives; to help my husband see that things are not all bad; to smile and laugh more and to just be there whenever I am needed - by anyone!

Make no mistake, I am not aiming to be a saint, I just want to re-focus on those I consider important and save my b**chy side for those who deserve it! I know it won't be easy, but in my own selfish way, doing this will invariably make me feel better about myself! *smile*

So, do have a think and let me know.......How would you like your loved ones to describe you today?


  1. Word!!! I have not given much thought to that part of my life. I guess I should. After all, death is no respecter of age. May God give us the grace to live well in His presence before calling us home.

  2. E-Y-A.....e pele o....may their souls rest in peace. I really have not thought of it becox i seldom read obituaries, where many atimes the persons degrees are added &the part of the country sef! *grinning*....Seriously speaking, i don't expect my family to even bother to publish it in the newspaper...see it as waste of money & space! [my 2cent pls]. Well, when i leave this wicked world in the next 70years to come [yes o! i want to live up to 100+ o!...*grinning] i want my family to say 'HERE LIES A WOMAN WHO TOOK LIFE JE-JE & MADE THOSE THAT CAME ACROSS HER PATH TO LAUGH, SMILE, ANGRY, DEPENDING ON WHERE YOU RUBBED HER OFF!

    p.s..... *laughed @ they become saint overnight. I have come to realize that it's people who you least expect to do something vital in your life that surprises you with their kind gesture or words.

  3. @HoneyDame:
    Amen and amen to your prayers

    Thanks oh. I like what you said also about what you'd like your family to say. True also about people you least expect to impact your life that do!

  4. Death has a way of helping us put things in perspective. Having lost both my parents and my eldest sister I speak from experience.

    I once read a book that encouraged us to write out what we would like those closest to us (spouse, children, siblings, employees etc) say at our funeral and my life hasn't been the same since I did that.

    I would encourage you to try it. I mean to actually write it down. It is not an easy task, but it's well worth it.

    I'm excited that you're actually 'doing'...for most of us, we think about it, feel bad for a while but don't actually 'do'.

    Do call your parents more often...

    I agree with Nitty about the waste of money and space.

  5. Truth is we are all selfish in our investment in others. Generally, we want them to feel good because it makes us feel good about ourselves. I used to care a lot about what other people think. Seriously - the older I get, the less I care about what others think of me.

    Lol at "intelligent, punctual and organised". I agree, it's pretty boring. I doubt that anyone would use the last two adjectives to describe me if they know me really well. At work they probably would cos I'm good at tricks.

    Now to your question: I would like my loved ones to simply say: "Gosh I miss her. 'Wonder why?!!!"

  6. Definitely would go with you on this one.. Nice!
    Actually my first time here and I find that I like your place..

  7. @Naijalines:
    LOL at doubting anyone will describe you as punctual and organised!
    To be honest, I'd rather they just say indispensable - that would be nicer.

    Thanks for the compliment. Just got back from your blog. Nice job. I'm now following......

  8. there's nothing like a death around us to make us put things into's one of the things that made me re-consider some things over the past two weeks..a close friend passed.

    i dream of an epitaph in the likes of -here lies a true friend and mother who never failed to spread joy to those around her.

  9. @Betrayed:
    So sorry to hear about your loss.
    Love your 'ideal epitaph'
    I'm aiming for something similar too!

  10. I used to worry about what people might say at my funeral. Until i realised that it didnt matter, afterall i'd be dead and gone. The only thing that really matters is what God tinks about me now that i am alive.

    I was mulling over his issue a while back and ended up writing this post:

  11. @Mimi
    Thanks for the comment.
    Truth is I'm not really bothered about the funeral; I'm more concerned about leaving a positive legacy with my loved ones.
    That's why I'm trying to change the things that might leave a negative impression with those I hold dear i.e. giving them more of my time

  12. My reply to d post : Hmn...I think about it sometimes. I'd probably be smiling down @ everyone @d funeral since I do dat too much as it is. I hope my folks don't go "yay! We finally got rid of the *aperejongbon" (basket of trouble) they'll probably miss d heck outta me tho.

    That said, my folks are weird tho. I remeber the last time I called my sister just to tell her I missed & loved her (I even called her auntie hihihi), d babes asked if I was trying to "dagbere" (give my final farewell)lol

    My tightest frndz wuld probably miss dia shrink cos I seem to make dem feel better wen they offload (dnt ask me how, avnt been able to figure it out either)

    Finally, I hope they say nice stuff else dey are in for some serious haunting o lol


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