In summary, she has dealt with domestic violence; financial abuse (where one spouse uses money as a form of control) and infidelity. The last fight they had ended with the hubby beating her up in front of their only son.
This post is not about judging who is right or wrong - because one can never know EVERYTHING about a marriage or romantic relationship. Instead, this post is to share the advice I gave her because I believe it might help someone out there.
I usually refrain from giving advice because I am wary about misleading people BUT I was moved to say something when my friend said
- They (her hubby and her) hadnt spoken in two weeks
- He was spending most nights out of the house
- Everytime she approached him to discuss things, they ended up arguing - often descending into violence
- Her four year old son touched her bruised face as they sat on the bus and said 'Daddy hurt you, didnt he?'
At this point I asked her what she was going to do and she said she had decided to face her career and accept that they would live separate lives in the same house. She also said she didn't want a divorce because she was worried about 'what people would say'
So, I asked her:
'Imagine you were the well paid CEO of a multi-billion pound company, who is celebrated and feted everywhere. How will you feel if you always have to return back to a house where you have a room-mate who insults you, slaps you, refuses to pay rent and argues with you all the time?.'
Her answer was ovbious: 'I would be so unhappy'
So, my advice to her was that she owes it to her son to take charge of her life and do what is best for him - provide him with a loving and peaceful environment to grow in. How she does that is up to her.
How one overcomes life's challenges is a personal decision.
However, it is important to remember that YOUR life is YOURS alone. If you keep on worrying about what others will think, you will never make important decisions about your life.
Again, you are never too old to make a life change.
An adult aged 30 years old has only had approximately 10 years control over their life because parents have made decisions for at least the first twenty years.
So, is it not sad if a thirty year old gives up and decides to settle for less? Even if you are 40 years old and you decide to change your life, you have at least 30 years to savour the changes you have made.
One of my favourite mottos is 'Carpe Diem' - which means 'Seize the day'.
The day you stop learning is the day you give up on life. The day you give up on life is the day you die....It might not be literally ...as in you fall down and die. BUT, the day you give up on life is the day something in you dies...it might be the sparkle that made you special or the smile that opened doors for you or the hope that made you wake up every morning.
My dear friends...it's never too late ....Seize the day and take control of YOUR life.
PS - The lovely Vickii made me aware that I have been nominated in the Nigerian Blog Awards. To whoever nominated me. Thank you, I'm really flattered xoxoxoxxo